Children begin to form a sense of gender identity between the ages of two and three. Cultural indoctrination or self-expression? With surprising and touching stories about children and the continuum of gender, kindergarten teacher Batya Greenwald straightens you out about all the ways you never knew you were bent. Her stories from 15 years of observing children might help you be a better guide to all children--even the one inside yourself--allowing you to be fuller in expression and more uniquely who you are meant to be.
Batya Greenwald is a Nationally Board Certified Teacher with more than 15 years of experience teaching elementary school and kindergarten. She is a lead faculty member for the PassageWorks Institute, a nonprofit organization which teaches educators to integrate social, emotional and academic learning, mindfulness, and cultural responsiveness (passageworks.org). Batya also facilitates courses for Girls Leadership Institute, teaching girls and their parents how express who they are and what they believe, and empowering them to create change in their world (girlsleadership.org).
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx
When I was very young, my mother would take me shopping with her. I loved this one department store. On the second floor there were beautiful formal dresses. I wanted one. I sometimes would climb up in the attic and dress in my mother's old clothes. Perfectly normal for a young girl. No, I didn't know at the time what boys and girls were about, but dressing as a girl seemed right for some reason. Genitals just didn't factor into it at that point. What I was doing was part of growing up, just like any other girl.
Born and raised as a girl, feel like a girl and mostly dress like one by choice. But I have a 'boy brain' and I'm a professional tech. However I wonder if my boy brain is a result of my amazing (single) late mother, who tackled everything and taught me how to do so as well. She did my hair and dressed my body as the cute little girl she always wanted, but banned Barbie dolls in favour of Lego and didn't train my brain to be anything other than a critical thinker. Thanks mum, you were the best xx
I am a trans women on the brink of a social transition and about 2 months ago while I was at my job at a child care center I was playing kitchen with a 4 year old girl and she told me she could have one type of doughnut because she was a girl and that I could have another type of doughnut because I was a boy. I was very offended by this but it would have been completely unreasonable for me to scold a 4-year-old for this, so instead I went along with her game by acting sad about not getting what she called a "girl doughnut". A few minutes before her parents picked her up she gave me a "girl doughnut"! I was so happy that I got through to her without having to shame her.
gender is binary, being masculine and feminine doesn't define your gender. a feminine boy isn't a trans girl and vice versa. gender is also biological, unfortunately not enough research has been done yet but from some research I have seen it's to do with how your brain forms
Thank goodness someone can see it for what it is... social engineering... must of been orchestrated by the tavistock institute. MK ULTRA. we are all being mind controlled... some of us can see through it.
Thank you so much for this explanation. I as a Transgender went through many problems during childhood, puberty and adult until I finally decided to live what I really am. This woman speaks to my feelings within a gender-binary society.
what about boys or girls that over compensate to prove they are what is expected of there asigned gender, then later on in life, 20, 30, 40, or older, they come out to family and loved ones, but all they know is to act macho or feminine. this is my case inside i feel female out side is totally and obviously male. and its killing me, im 45 and risk losing everything.
When and where I grew up, being Transgendered was not an option. There was only two choices, Conform or suffer the consequences. No, the desire to be another Gender did not go away, and it ate at me every day, but once again there was no choice! No one would have given a damn how I felt or if it was changeable. They would look at me and say, "I'm sure you will change your mind once you have been beaten to a pulp enough times!" That was how they saw things. If you were a square peg, they believed they could beat you into the square hole come hell or high water. So I kept it to myself in a deep dark place. I was unable to form friendships cause people though I was hiding something and it scared the hell out of them, but I knew they could not handle the truth so I kept it shut. I came out only in my mid thirties. I felt better about myself finally getting it off my chest and they made my life miserable for it ever since. Miserable conforming, but miserable going against the grain when everyone you love turns on you. It is hell either way. Trust me all the bible reading and conversion therapy changes nothing!
My little sister is almost five and since she was three I've been asking her what she thinks is for boys and what she thinks is for girls and I remember first when I asked her things like if girls can have short hair or if boys can wear dresses she answered yes but now she responds by giggling and saying that it's funny/weird. This is why I want to become a teacher so that I can teach kids that they can wear and do whatever they please unless if it's hurting someone else of course
I adore this talk and shared it to my Facebook group, which is dedicated to transgender and non-binary individuals. I reject the gender binary and spend most of my days wearing a pair of men's boxer shorts under a cute skirt. I will very happily state that my sex, my birth assignment, is female. I tend to present female for the very simple fact of wanting to wear clothes that fit and are comfortable. My gender, however, does not fit, and I find myself unable to sufficiently explain the feeling to others.
Also, I have fertility issues and have had two miscarriages late enough for my children to have developed genitals... one child was XXX (so female) and had a penis, while the other had ambiguous genitalia. If I wasn't involved in the transgender rights movement already, I would have become involved at that point. I've now found myself extremely interested in genetics and epigenetic's regarding transgender individuals. If I could ever actually afford to go to school, I would love to pursue medical and scientific research avenues in order to look for a possible genetic factors that could contribute to a person being born with ambiguous genitalia or the internal transgender identity. For some reason my brain connects my fertility issues which gave me intersex children, with my own identity. I'd love a chance to look for that possible correlation.
why do u really want to know? because most boys and most girls - i said most not all - will pose different challenges. thats all. i think its a harmless question but this video did help me better understand the issue and be more open minded. i just think the question of whether its a boy or girl is pretty harmless. Why do we ask people "whats up?" or how they are doing? it's just what we do. we dont really want to know always know how they are doing lol. it's like we ask people is their dog a boy or girl. its just fun to know.
I totally am against this attempt to normalise transgenderism.. note that I have a transgender in my family.. a person that I love and cherish and accept..
why then am I against? because the result is not just clothes.. its lifelong dependancy on pills.. its surgery that is non trivial and dangerous.. and irreversible.. and often this is on teens or young adults.. and guess what.. people change their minds. Before, during and after surgery there is tonnes of mental anguish.. and the person may not be happy with the results. If we were talking about annorexics.. who see themselves in a way that the rest of the world doesn't.. would we all be fawning like idiots to try to accomodate them, or would we lovingly take them to a mirror and show them reality and tell them to learn to deal with it?
Karen Ohana I think you are forgetting to take into consideration how trans people actually feel. Sure they take pills and have surgeries done on them if they want to but not only is that non of your business its also what makes them happy and more themselves. You shouldn't argue against happiness.
Matthew 19:1-8 — Did Jesus say anything about homosexuality? Of course, when asked about marriage, Jesus issued a sweeping condemnation of all sexual relationships outside of the male/female model established in Gen 1:27, which he specifically cited.
Romans 1:18-32 —Though most of the passages deal with the male perspective, for the first time there is a specific mention of female homosexuality. And as the verdict comes in, we discover it too is a depraved condition brought on by a sinful nature.
1Cor 6:9-11—The only passage of scripture that clearly acknowledges former (ex) homosexuals in the church. They are listed along with other ex-sinners who have been changed by the power of Christ. It is certain that Pastor Paul knew there were former homosexuals in his local church and he celebrated their freedom in Christ Jesus. With a completely different tone in comparison to the volume of harsh, negative reaction to the unrepentant homosexuality, scripture here ends with the tremendous hope and goodness of God.
Galatians 5:19 — Many areas that the apostle traveled to take the gospel indeed were very accepting of homosexual practices, yet he did not back away from communicating the sinfulness of such practice. Corinth, Ephesus and Rome as well as other major cities of the ancient world, were all too often cesspools of all forms of sexual immorality. Undeterred, Paul drew from sources familiar to him and forged them with New testament teachings of God’s grace to forgive and cleanse. In the letter to the Galatians, he teaches that the “works [not plurality] of the flesh are manifest. The flesh or sinful human nature is always considered and enemy to God.
Ephesians 5:3-7— Paul repeats his warnings against “uncleaness” to the church at Ephesus.
Colossians 3:5-7 — Paul issues his third warning against “uncleaness” to the church at Colosse. This time he adds instructions on overcoming/controlling the sin. Believers are to mortify or deaden themselves and exercise self control (a fruit of the Spirit) over such actions. Homosexuals claim that denying the free expression of homosexuality is "suppressing one's true self", but scripture clearly instructs that we are hold our bodies in check and refuse it participation in sexual immorality. This passage further emphasizes that no one should expect to escape the “wrath of God” except they repent.
1 Tim 1:10 — the law was not made for the righteous, but for the “lawless and disobedient.” The law (of Moses) encompassed the ceremonial, judicial and moral components of human interaction. Christ neutralized the ceremonial aspects but upheld the judicial and moral aspects, tendered with grace and mercy. Hence, homosexuality remains a sin "worthy of death" but yet qualified for forgiveness through repentance. The phrase Paul uses “defiling themselves with mankind” is another link of homosexual behavior to disobedience and uncompatible to sound or acceptable Christian doctrine.
Titus 1:16 — This is an aggressive attack and exposure of the psychosis of those who are “defiled” and commit “abominations". Again, let us identify the source of the Apostle Paul’s strong condemnation. When one accepts what God has pronounced abominable (by God’s own definition) and rejects the created model which God has pronounced good, a process of hardening and mental perversion begins to take root in the mind. Such is the danger of justifying sin. Sin corrupts the mind and conscience (the seat of individual integrity and morality) rendering it incapable of making spiritually sound decisions.
Jude 1:4,7,19 — Jude forcefully revealed that like the Sodomites, certain men in the church had gone after “strange flesh.” I believed Jude was describing contemporary "gay christians". His choice of phraseology is a combination of two words: heteros and sarx meaning “another flesh with the same quality.” His inclusion of the word flesh pointed to the homosexuality (not the inhospitality) of the Sodomites. Similar to the Apostle Paul, Jude selected strong language to convey the serious of the charge facing the church. Allowing unrepentant homosexuals into Christian fellowship without applying the same standards of admission applied to other sinners would be a spiritual death nell for the church. Repentance is the major action a sinner must take to be accepted into the family of God.
Rev 21:27—The final book of the Bible, finalizing a complete picture stunning denouncements of all forms of homosexual conduct. From Genesis to Revelation, the Word of God firmly establishes once and for all the sinfulness of homosexuality, but also provides a wide opportunity for repentance and redemption through Jesus Christ. Homosexuality, as seen through the eyes of scripture is a spiritual aberration, a result of the fallen nature of man, a disease of the soul. It produces nothing life giving, in essence opposite of the nature of God who is life. Therefore it “worketh” or produces abomination which is death.
First objection. Yes gender is based on biology. Because men brains et females brain aren't built the same, you can pass test and see if a person has a brain that works more like one of a female or one of a male. Gender is in the brain, so gender is biological. So is gender a spectrum? I would be really happy to know if the brain of a non-binary person tends to have a mix of masculine and feminine reactions, But in the video she talked about someone that was biologically in their brain a girl, so it's still a binary.
For the intersex: I'm sorry but it's a birth defect, it's not a third category it's a baby with a part of their body that hasn't well developped. I don't say we shouldn't help or care for intersex people, we totally should protect them and find the best solution for them. If I can make an analogy we should say that the number of arms a person can have is a spectrum too, since you can be born with none, one, one and a non-completely-developped arm, two... we don't say that because it's sounds silly. Well developped baby have two arms, like well developped babies have either a normal penis and a normal vagina.
And i still think that because there is only a tiny percent of people that are transexual people, we should make arrangements for them and trying to make their life easier but we should'nt build a society that is meant for them at the first place, like we don't build the society for blind people since they are still rare, we shouldn't make a society that focus entirely around trans-people.
Yes we need to protect them, accept them, help them. But some of them want so much that it's not reasonnable.
Sex is not "assigned" at birth! There are two chromosomes that when paired determine our sex. There's the X chromosome, and the Y chromosome. The male sperm carries one of these two chromosomes, X or Y. The female egg carries only the X. Therefore, which sperm penetrates the egg at conception determines sex. XY pair = male. XX pair = female. Therefore, sex is determined at conception. It's that simple!
If a child thinks they are other than what their determined sex indicates, they should be tested for Klinefelter syndrome. If they don't have Klinefelter syndrome, they should be told the truth, that they are male, or female, and should be helped to understand it's ok to be what their biology says they are. Children's minds are still developing and should not be encouraged in a direction of confused gender identity. Such encouragement ought to be considered child abuse. If they have Klinefelter syndrome, then perhaps they should be able to determine for themselves how they want to live, but if they merely have a genital deformity, they should be raised as whatever their chromosomes say they are, and perhaps corrective surgery should be considered.
Gender is a grammatical classification, not a determination of how one feels. I think It has only recently been reclassified as a determination of how a person identifies themselves.
Prior to the 1940s boys were wrapped in pink blankets and girls were wrapped in blue blanket after 1940 it switched it is only recently it switched and men were perfectly straight and they were guys these parents are influencing the child allowing them to dress up girly instead of encouraging the masculine side
Prior to the 1940s boys were wrapped in pink blankets and girls were wrapped in blue blanket after 1940 it switched it is only recently it switched and men were perfectly straight and they were guys these parents are influencing the child allowing them to dress up girly instead of encouraging the masculine side
No feminist teacher is ever going to whisper a lot subversive crap nin my son's head to make him feel ashamed of being a man or male. Feminists forget its not their place to encode gender values into my kid's head, that's my job.He's never going to wear pink, prance around like a girl or play with barbie dolls. Unlike these feminists, I'm going to raise sons that are actually proud of being male because unlike feminists I'll teach them about positive associations with being male. They will hunt and fish, go on trails, hike, build things and learn to appreciate who they are instead of what some man-hating feminists think he ought to be by erasing any aspect of his growing masculinity.
Blackburn 9 I am so very glad to hear a woman with the same perspective as me. I am a father with 2 daughters so I feel way less pressure than you surely do because it is obviously the boys and men that are being taken down at the moment. I keep saying that there is a force that is dividing and conquering us. From my perspective you are spot on that feminists, LGBT..., and SJW's are the ones pushing their toxic agenda.
But the result is the same. We are being divided and conquered. I'm not sure how to turn this ship around and fight the real players but I would suggest that the members of the groups listed above are pawns who are making real problems but the real trouble makers are elsewhere.
I mean youtube and Facebook are creating echo chambers for us all. when we hear news from outside our echo chamber it is really grating.
Anyways I am glad to hear that your son is doing better in the all boys school. I am considering transferring my girls from public to catholic school. So far I haven't seen any major issues though.
What if he wants to wear pink? If he doesn't that's great, don't make him wear it. But are you actively going to stop him from wearing pink if he does like it? I don't understand what positive effect that'd have on him.
Its fascinating how, you can't actually address what I've said on its merits in terms of content from a person, (myself) who believes as a parent men concerned about their children must be triggered or overreacting if I don't mindlessly accept questionable social theories from a person completely unqualified to decide and determine the influences and system of values from a child she isn't raising..I don't have to be toxic to understand her points derive from pure quack pseudo psychoanalysis. Just because something appears novel, postmodern and trendy doesn't make it correct. Its time people stop being afraid of scamsters like her hiding behind a false benevolence and stop doubting themselves and their ability to make meaningful decisions for their children until they are old enough and responsible enough to make informed, educated choices. But nits doubtful that means anything to you. More likely, you probable believe if an seven year od boy starts thinking he;s a girl, chances are you'd not sit down with him and explain that he's not and is too young to fully understand what he lacks lived experience to truly determine.
blackburn9 also stfu and stop overreacting because no one is going to force your son to be a girl, rather than act irrational just listen to the many observations she's made over the decades as a qualified teacher and at least consider some of her points. No need for toxicity!
“So the final conclusion would surely be that whereas other civilizations have been brought down by attacks of barbarians from without, ours had the unique distinction of training its own destroyers at its own educational institutions, and then providing them with facilities for propagating their destructive ideology far and wide, all at the public expense. Thus did Western Man decide to abolish himself, creating his own boredom out of his own affluence, his own vulnerability out of his own strength, his own impotence out of his own erotomania, himself blowing the trumpet that brought the walls of his own city tumbling down, and having convinced himself that he was too numerous, labored with pill and scalpel and syringe to make himself fewer. Until at last, having educated himself into imbecility, and polluted and drugged himself into stupefaction, he keeled over--a weary, battered old brontosaurus--and became extinct.” - Malcolm Muggeridge
Living your life expressing something that you're not is lying, not only to the world around you, but to yourself. A man can have surgeries, take hormone therapy, dress however he like, but he is not a woman. And despite all this "make-up", every cell in his body screams that he is a man. And all of this "make-up" fights against your DNA, the unchangeable truth of who you are.
This is why the suicide rate among those who have had surgeries, who have transformed their gender, is still 20x that of the average man. They've bought a lie about who they are and have never come to grips with truth. They do not accept unchangeable reality. And they will spend their entire lives drugged up on hormones pills fighting this fight instead of searching out the truth because we have a society that tells them to follow their feelings instead of truth that there was nothing wrong with accepting who they truly were born.
Muggeridge had it right, we are a society that has, "educated himself into imbecility..."
"The make-up fighting against your DNA" you refer to makes absolutly no sens. The DNA may hold a gender assignment but the conception and transformation of the ovocyte will assign a phenotype. And both might be different, opposit.
You seem to blame the scuicide rate only to the mere fact that trans folks have transitioned. But what about transphobia? The struggle of acceptation in everyday life situations, finding a job, finding love, building a familly or just being accepted by your familly and friends???
Michael, believe it or not, God created you to be a MAN. So act like one for first time in your life. You were born a male child. Do you in ANY way think that it was an accident? For surely I tell (as does God's Holy Word) He (God) knit you together in your mother's womb.
Mikey didnt like being in the boy's line because the boy's line was for boys and Mikey was a boy. Mikey sounds like he has some mental issues and should go see a doctor to get that shit looked at because Mikey seems to be confused about what his penis means.
people talk about babies being born with different genitals and everyone always says sex is what's between your legs. that's not necessarily true. if you want to reach the simplest, most accurate and scientific definition of sex it involves what chromosomes someone has, not their privates.
that's absolutely not always true. MANY people have chromosomes that do not match their genitals. for example a someone is born with male chromosomes, but their testicles fail to function correctly, and the person is born with apparent female privates. just google it.
Okay first, I am ftm transgender. I found out when i was 9. Secondly, my little brother started asking my to be a girl. This happened for a month. On Christmas he got power puff girls toys. He looked at them for 10 seconds and threw them where the rest of the toys were and he looked to embarrassed and he hasnt touched them since. Not even once did he look at them after. My parents asked him if he wanted them or to trade them for something else. He kept them. Lastly, he has been physically bullied by this 3rd grader, he is in kinder. I wanted to kill the girl the first day he came home with a gash on his head. The second time he came home, he said she bashed his head up against the window. A vein had popped in his ear. I am starting to think it was because he was a little more feminine then the other boys.
So, kindergarteners know more about biological science than biologists? Okay ...
Did kindergarteners also teach you the ideologue of 'gender is a social construct' didn't come from biology but came from Cultural Marxism?
The boys section has all the cool clothes which is annoying because I as a female would try to wear them and they don't fit properly and with clothing even from babies girls clothes are pink and boys clothes are blue but my favourite colour is blue
I'm not sure how old you are, but if you just want to wear masculine looking clothes try the men's section. A men's XS is equivalent to a women's medium. I buy basic men's T shirts all the time because I just have wide shoulders. Men's shirts are longer because men tend to be taller (which is important, I wear a 34C bra...don't exactly want to be wearing a crop top all the time.) Plus, the XS shirts tend to go on sale often, lol. I can wear a boys' medium usually, but sometimes they are just too short. So if you size up from that a Large women's would probably be a Medium in the men's section.
No wonder why Gender Dysphoria is on the rise lately!
Funny thing is that Sweden has been doing this type of indoctrination for decades now, and guess what, women still do typical women things and so do men. Can't fight Mother Nature, feminists.
I am glad to hear that you spared your son from this barbaric act. Good for you!
Once adult, one should be able to do whatever one wants (within legal limits), including genital mutilation, I have no problem with that.
By the way, it is NOT hyperbole and yes doctors who do it on a routine basis for their $1000 a pop, should be vilified, because it is a dangerous and unnecessary barbaric act. One that kills 100+ babies per year just in the US alone; one that costs millions in repairs; one that screws males later in life.
Last time I had this conversation with a male, who took your perspective, I sent him a link and it upset him. The link was about a comprehensive research on how male genital mutilation not only negatively impacts on pleasure but how there is a hidden psychological impact on males later on their lives, similar to how one feels when loosing an arm or a leg. Sorry, you will have to look for it for yourself, I do not want to inflict pain.
Watch the video called "Dr Money and the Boy with no Penis". I know that it is only one example, but it applies to this conversation in regards to genital mutilation, sex and gender. I have numerous other sources, the conclusion is similar.
Look be guided by Nature, 80% of males on Earth are not mutilated, and there is problem, there never was, including in countries who forbid this barbaric practice, for money.
+Mentalidade Logica I'm male. I'm circumcised. I agree the practice should stop. I don't agree with your hyperbole. I did not have my son circumcised. I don't think people who do choose to circumcise should be vilified to the same degree as those who choose or perform FGM.
Like I said your rationalized attitude towards male genital mutilation and the rationalized attitude of those doctors, who claimed that there are benefits to female circumcision are both = BARBARIC!
Cut yourself, do you not bleed, feel pain?
Ask your male mate or friend to do the same, using the same sharp knife, in the same place, what the hell do you think his reaction is going to be, one of enjoyment?
Now what if someone else decide to do that to you both, without your consent -no problem?
+Mentalidade Logica It's not barbaric, and it doesn't stop the from using and enjoying their penis. Women who undergo FGM are unable to have normal sex every again. They are unable to orgasm. They are unable to live a normal life. Stop acting like circumcision is in any way comparable.
You say that sex and gender are two different things. Well, if they is no association then 1) there are 7 billion genders and 2) what term do we use for things usually associated with one's sex?
Perhaps you forgot what I wrote above and that was gender dysphoria hardly existed before. People were just call homosexuals and there not as many suicides. By contrast, nowadays GD is a problem and there are high rates of suicides. It is being taught in many schools, at very young age too, along with how to have anal sex or perform fellatio (for 9 year olds). The schools, feminist controlled *are* the problem.
"Mentalidade Logica and how is that feminism ideology"
> You can't be serious? Anyway, listen to Dr J Fiamengo, Dr Sommers, CAFE and others. They say the same thing, that schools have been hijacked by feminists; boys are being drugged in big numbers to behave like girls; no release valves like recess which impacts more on boys; etc. By the way those ladies were/are feminists themselves.
Another thing that schools are teaching nowadays is White Toxicness, brought to you by the same Marxist ideology that gave us feminism.
By the way, the title is nonsense. The Kindergarteners did not teach her anything about gender. That specific transgender women's existence did. And from that experience this teacher decides to push the idea of gender neutrality. Not even the transgender women is gender neutral, wtf!. It's not about neutralizing gender, that's not the point. The point is allowing people to be who the are, not persuading little boys to do typically girlish things and pretend that there is no biological element to gender. Can't wait for society to fall apart because people are taught fantasy.
Yeah, neutralize gender, until the boys grow up and realize that no heterosexual woman will date a guy wearing a pink dress. Where did these rules come from? Heterosexuality. You want to change the rules on gender? Rid society of heterosexuality. Until then, straight girls will desire the typical masculine guys, straight guys will desire the typical feminine girls, all while people like her preach how wrong that is, and fake that is, and we should all be gender neutral. Even she is not gender neutral. Ah, the fake science.
+Susie Zenkert Hi Zen, and thanks for your response. You mentioned that the video is it not about forcing everyone in to gender neutral yellow clothes and taking away every gendered object. Rather it's encouraging youngsters to defy what society tells them to be and find out for themselves. Thats not at all what this video was about. It absolutely is about pushing for gender neutrality by claiming that no object is for girls or for boys, that everything should be viewed as genderless whether it's a color, toy, clothes, etc.
The color pink is not for girls if you're a gay guy who identifies more with girls and likes wearing pink, but it absolutely is for girls from the perspective of a girl who identifies as female, and sees all the other females wearing pink, which she can see is seperate from the boys in class who want nothing to do with that color. It's also a color for girls from the perspective of a boy who identifies and male, and sees that all (most) of the girls in class decorate themselves with pink while the boys don't. It's not about the color, it's about natural identity and humans chose things culturally to gender identify with.
These types of girls and boys naturally hate the idea of identifying as the opposite gender to them, and to kids around 4 years old, this is absolutely not learned just like it's not learned for the transgirl to identify as female and join in on the color pink. This lady ignores that entirely by pushing the idea that pink, toys, etc, just doesn't matter, that everything is gender neutral, so boys go ahead and wear pink dresses. That really pisses off boys and girls who don't like being pushed to identify as the opposite sex/gender, and I've seen it.
You mentioned that you have a nephew, 4yrs, who loves princesses and dressing up, oh and ninjas. This does not make him a girl, gay or weird. I agree with you. I have a son that naturally identifies so strongly as male that he wants nothing to do with things that girls tend to strongly identify with. That doesn't mean he's been socially programmed to be this way, and he should be allowed to chose not to wear pink if that makes him feel uncomfortable, which it actually does. Although in your son's case, if he is not gay or transgender, his liking of dressing up like princesses does make him weird to the girls that he may like romantically who view him as the strange kid who identifies as the same as she does as a female, as I've seen what some girls do to boys. My point is parents and other adults can pretend that objects should not be for either gender, but that doesn't change the natural reactions that cisgender straight boys and girls have on this, and how they naturally treat each other when it comes to gender/sex identity and sexuality.
You mentioned that it is his job to figure out what is right for him, not society's. To me it's actually the parents job to help their kids understand themselves by actually truly knowing their children and helping them to succeed based on that knowledge. If your son for instance is gay and flamboyant but afraid to show it, don't let him waste 20 years trying to pretend to be straight and tough as he tries to "figure it out for himself". Actually be a parent and help him be who he really is and help him to be successful in gay relationships. If your son is straight and is depressed because he can't seem to find a girlfriend because he's constantly sabotaging himself by never showering, or brushing his teeth, or wearing pink dresses to highschool with makeup, maybe he still cry's any time he makes a mistake like kids do, have a talk with him about how he can better his chances with girls by evolving into the world of maturity, and enlighten him on the fact that girls are turned on by mature guys. Ask him whats more important, crying all the time, or getting girlfriend? Not showering, or getting a girlfriend? Still talking in baby talk, or getting a girlfriend? Wearing pink dresses, or getting a girlfriend? Because eventually this same conversation will be had about getting a job. Whats more important son, using foul language every 2 seconds, or getting an awesome job. It's our job to parent, not allow our children to live a life of confusion, but to help better who they naturally are.
I agree it's okay that you're pansexual, and dating a transwoman, thats awesome. I don't see anything wrong with that, I myself find some transwomen super attractive and some have great personalities.
Again, thanks for your response Zen.
+Susie Zenkert Hi Susie, and thanks again for your thought provoking response. You mentioned that while you agree that a lot of heterosexual women tend to go for more masculine men, this is far from always the case. I agree with you, it is not always the case, but it is largely the case. Granted that there is no real way to tell which women are hetero and which are not, I will say that almost all of the women who have a preference for say, very girlish guys who could even pass as female with the right hair style and outfit, these women who say they are straight tend to reveal that they are not fully straight after a long enough talk with them about their sexual tendancies from what I've experienced.
You mentioned that this is especially true in alternative subcultures where the idea of masculine and feminine often does not match up with the norm. Usually those subcultures are filled with lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, and sexually fuild women, which is why gender to them means very different things than to straight women, and heteros in general.
You mentioned that there is also pressure from society in large that if you are a woman you should want to marry a masculine and "successful" man, whilst men learn early on that they should act strong and constantly be in search for sexual encounters. As a man, I never learned to be constantly in search of sexual encounters. I was always very turned on by girls as early as 4 years old, and it became more dramatic in Kindergarten and beyond the more I was around girls. This was the natural engine that drove me to search for intimacy with females, none of that was socially learned for me, and I suspect with most human beings unless you're say, gay, and society is trying to force you to desire the opposite sex. You would be putting on a performance in that case, but for most straight guys, this is no performance. The same is true for women who feel pressure to being with a masculine man. It's only pressure if you're not attracted to men in the first place, or your bisexual but have a strong preference for women, and feminine men, but this is not a pressure for most straight women, as this is a natural desire for them.
You mentioned that for catcalling, while there might very well be persons who are flattered, most are not, and that since it is interactions with people you don't know it is impossible to know how the other might react. I agree with you, the issue is most people who catcall tend to be the poor/lowerclass men who come from an environment where behavior is more crude, even the behavior of women who these men tend to learn that this behavior sometimes works on. And so when mid to upper class women are around these men, the catcalls begin, and then these women tend to speak up about it, usually in the internet which is a place that the lower class can't afford to enter since they don't tend to have computers or the time to discuss and think about it. Heck I got catcalled before by girls when I was a young teen in the ghetto, and they were just as crude as the guys who catcall women. It's usually a class issue that both men and women are involved in.
Again, thanks for your response Susie.
Are you interested in helping further research into gender inequality in education, which is often driven by sexist ideas about what men and women can/can't do? Well I want to do this research in my Masters in Psychology and Education at Cambridge next year but can't afford the £22,000 fees! Please consider donating to my Crowdfunding project #SupportSusanna in which I'm trying to raise £6000 to help me study, research and add to this incredibly important area! More details here: www.crowdfunder.co.uk/support-susanna
Susanna O'Brien No, that is a load of crap. First of all, if there is a "sexist gap" in education, it currently favors women.
Second, you're fucking shameless. Have everyone else responsible for your fees and your debt, just not yourself.
Yep. Haha. That's funny because it just goes to show how fragile and see through so many of our cultural customs are that all it takes is a few questions here and there and they can be broken down as easily as they were put up...
My little brothers school does a running event where they all run around the school for half an hour, this year the shirt color they chose was hot pink and I've seen almost every kid wear those shirts again. I also consider myself very lucky since my parents let us choose our genders and what we played with or dressed in.
I understand what you're saying, but I think that the OP might be saying that his parents aren't enforcing stereotypes when it comes to dress or play. For example, if your daughter isn't into dresses or tea parties, don't force her to wear dresses and buy the matchbox cars she really wants. Don't call your son a sissy if he cries or wants to play dress up. Things like that. I'm not saying we have to go around calling every child "they," but we don't need to make them feel bad when they act outside the norm; it isn't hurting anyone.
Now you're allowed to hang out for a few years after birth and choose your gender? What do they call you during those years? Most people are born one-or-the-other. It seems strange to just let your child wait a few years to choose on the off chance you are in the middle. And believe me, I am all for people who are torn. It just seems odd to allow a child who fits a bill to spend years not knowing what gender they are.
Great work, Batya! My daughter is eight, and I am constantly confronted with the first myth you discuss. The best example is McDonald's and Happy Meal toys. Whenever I use the drive-thru (not very often), they always ask "Is that for a boy or girl?" as if it really matters. It never made sense to me why McDonald's can't offer gender neutral toys that promote tolerance and acceptance rather than proliferate gender separation.
Thanks for challenging our beliefs and thoughts, Batya! You're amazing and I can't wait to work with you more often.
Wonderfully crafted and beautifully delivered talk, on an important and timely matter. We're all affected by gender identity issues, whether or not we're conscious of them. Those children are lucky to have Batya as their teacher, and we're all fortunate to have her in our world!
Great video! And threatening too in a time when many men and women are not clear in their own sense of masculine or feminine, which is why we would reject a transgender person, trying to defend our own sense of gender that we already struggle with. So many men I work with as a men's life coach struggle to assert their own masculinity and are baffled when their women fill that role. The guys feel feminized, women masculinized, and conflict ensues. Gender confusion is very alive in the traditional gender society as well.
You know who wants to put everyone in tiny pigeon holes? Heterosexuality, because that is the drive behind why straight girls tend to typically desire masculine guys, and straight guys tend to desire feminine girls, not because of society, but because of sexuality which is tied to what you find attractive in terms of gender. Straight guys build that muscle to show off manliness not because of gender rules, but because that pretty girl over there gets wet by it and desires him. It's pretty primal, but people like the woman in this video would have you believe that's society told him to build muscle in order to identify as a man, when he just wants to get some poon.
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