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10 ways to have a better conversation | Celeste Headlee

123294 ratings | 5668566 views
When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations — and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed." TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and much more. Find closed captions and translated subtitles in many languages at http://www.ted.com/translate Follow TED news on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/tednews Like TED on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/TEDtalksDirector
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Text Comments (2296)
Linda Mazur (18 hours ago)
I'm not a Gabby person ., So I loose intrest real quick when talking to a person if I notice they are not listening to me , they are just waiting to speak . Also very distracting - a thing that some women do ( never had a guy do this yet anyway ) as I'm speaking to someone and looking at them and they are moving their mouths (as if they are mirroring me ) sometimes not even silently , what in the world is that about ?
Luxus Häuser (22 hours ago)
Would be nice to meet people who can process 500 words per minute listening.
Jasmine Kennedy (2 days ago)
ok i really liked this talk, but I also have to recognize she looks exactly like the chaperone from the lizzy maguire movie lmao
George Abdo (2 days ago)
Well, to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say. 🤔
Victor Nguyen (3 days ago)
I have that one friend who always cuts me off mid-sentence because I am a slow speaker (English is my second language). Most of the time I find that really annoying and every time I'm like "Will you ever even let me finish my sentence?"
HND PROSPEROUS (3 days ago)
RULE 1: DON'T MILTITASK. I was watching another video on my phone while watching as well.
Allan Alberts (3 days ago)
The whole talking on the fly doesnt really work for me. If i did that in every conversation, it wouldnt be a nice conversation.
SUSEAN MORROW (3 days ago)
Love the message and I’m amazed at what I learnt from YOU... Thank You 🙏 You are the change You want to see in the World 🌍
7saany (3 days ago)
Great advice. Can I just say... I don't know what your circumstances on this day may have been but I would have loved to have done your hair for this talk.
Timothée Tosti (3 days ago)
Thanks ! Very nice talk !
Davinder Kaur (3 days ago)
Yupp we shouldn’t be a multitasker because sometimes we stuck in between whole works and couldn’t complete one of them atleast. If we are not good multitasker then dont go for it guys . Rather than that focus on single task and u can give ur good . Then go for other task .
Idris Abdullah (4 days ago)
"We are more divided than we ever have been in history". Boy do I have news for you
Brock Flores (4 days ago)
So good
Mike O'. (4 days ago)
YouTube is feeding me re-runs of old content. This was worth watching again, however.
Francisco Gramajo (4 days ago)
"we are more polarized, we are move divided than we ever have been in history" Yeah, what about the civil war? WWII?
Sam Adamsen (4 days ago)
10 very good observations, HalleluJaH. Shalom
Genius Mind (5 days ago)
For valuable video https://youtu.be/0HhUJ7-Yerc
Lucas Van (5 days ago)
I didnt talk to anybody in 4 years of high school........
Kale Andrie (5 days ago)
TED: alright so we’re going to mic you really close to your mouth TED talkers:*heavy breathing*
Lyle W (5 days ago)
So arrogant and condescending as she scolds others for not listening enough.
Shabbir Umrethwala (6 days ago)
Thank you... A very nice speech, alot of things to be learnt from your video. Please do keep up the good work...
yip ann (6 days ago)
Yea everyone gonna be listener and he world will be in silence
Shannon Sharma (6 days ago)
I am so excited to apply what I’ve just learned . I would always say, “ I just love people!” But in reality , I haven’t. I have not been a good listener . I can now truly love people by showing interest in what they are saying and forget about any distractions that may come in my mind. Thank you for this! May God bless you as you help other people love people the way they should!
Fang Yu Teng (7 days ago)
I can't tell how tremendous does this speech influences and moves me, it's just so great and i love it!!!!!
bram duprez (7 days ago)
you're fat and not worthy conversing with my insane brainmagiq
bram duprez (7 days ago)
select head; eel: tense waves tool heaven conge versus satiationweagreebotgod
Pastel Ribon (7 days ago)
You want everyone to love conversating with them? Very simple, talk about them for like 98% and about 2% of yourself. That's how humans work. Self centered by nature.
jannatul shova (7 days ago)
Amicable presentation she delivered.Love it.
j1jh002 (8 days ago)
Very helpful. Thank you:)
warm and fuzzy (9 days ago)
I was just amazed... Plus, I just found out I have been doing it all wrong. From now on, mums the word.
Bruce Banner (10 days ago)
She's a cutie pie, I couldn't help but be distracted because of her adorable dimples and the twinkle in her eye 🥰
Marny5580 (10 days ago)
I am going to own that I've fallen back into: when I'm speaking and the other person gets distracted by someone else - 1. if they come back, I don't begin with "so ... " My husband had amazing listening skills - and that made it easier for me to understand. Now that he's gone I have found myself going back to bad habits. This video has made me think! Hard!
Summer Hanson (10 days ago)
That was beautiful
otahu Rice (10 days ago)
Communication changes every so many generation along with languages. It is a matter of fact. 50 years ago. English was not the same as it is now. We're non verbal creatures. So kids are just using new techinics about communicating.
Petter Eliseussen (11 days ago)
I have only seen 4 minutes at this point. But it become clear to me that she is so extremely afraid of offending someone that this alone must be a handicap when you want to communicate. I agree with most of what she say, but think that the fair of offending people is just as big issue as the topic she talk about.
Kartos (12 days ago)
Yeahhhh can't watch this when the opener ignores how we're only "polarized" because women are considered breeding cattle and anyone not white isn't human. There's no letting someone who believes that crap have their peace.
Ashley Green (14 days ago)
i think my teacher can read my mind. i was saying ''ohhhhh im so awkward'' then pop my teacher makes be watch this against my will
Sylvia Dunn (14 days ago)
true
허회진 (15 days ago)
good
Mariangela Colina (15 days ago)
“Always prepared to be amazed and never disappointed”
HyperBork! (15 days ago)
10:38 IM DEAD
Joanna Jo (16 days ago)
Hello, welcome! I'm going to start the first session soon. I 'll let you know when it's the exact date for it. Also, I will let you know what will be the first topic!!! Stay tuned! :)we are glad to have you in our group!
Baka Boy (16 days ago)
i know so many ppl that shoud watc this but they wont cause there english is even worse thn mine :( btw just remembering to like the vid cause its good thx
David Shaw (16 days ago)
I guess this would be good for children to watch.
AlyssLysie (17 days ago)
Wow, I definitely learned some great tips! Thought I was a good listener but I’ve got a lot to learn. ❤️
kofManKan (19 days ago)
This is obviously for Amerikans. The retardation is strong in this one; yes?
Kun Kodiik (19 days ago)
I almost didn't watch this video because usually the topic of conversation is bullshitted. I'm glad I came back.
dannyfresh (19 days ago)
People say her husband still can't follow these rules
Chris Trammell (20 days ago)
So good!!
ckory06902 (20 days ago)
Loved these tips. Thank you
Jeni Chan (21 days ago)
I guess I have a lot of questions. What if the person drones on and on because you have been actively listening and, after a while, it has become extremely exhausting to continue engaging? What if you are stuck with someone who doesn’t provide details to your open questions (imagine a very long car ride)? How do you master conversing with someone who insists on talking over you, interrupting your questions, or showing their intellectual prowess by talking down to you? What if someone comes up to you trying to engage you and you are clearly busy? I guess the answer would be “well, you must be doing it wrong then.” To which I respond with, well this is a damn hard art form :( Thank you for giving us so much information Celeste xoxo
Adil Mohsunov (21 days ago)
to speak or write and give your opinion about something as if you knew everything about it and as if only your opinion was correct:
alex name (22 days ago)
nice messsge 😂😂im.less talking plz litsen me
Karen Cai (22 days ago)
Notes—10 ways to have a better conversation Nowadays, scientists found that we’re more polarized, we’re more divided than we ever have been in history. We are less likely to compromise, which means we’re not listening to each other. We keep making decision like where to live, what kind of friends to make based on what we already believed. A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance. Kids spend hours each day engaging with ideas and each other through screens, but rarely do they have an opportunity to have hone their interpersonal communication skills. It’s critical to sustain coherent and confident conversation. Sometimes, even when we talk to people we disagree with deeply on a personal level, we still could have a great conversation with them. 10 ways to have a better conversation 1. Don’t multitask. Be present, be in that moment. Don’t be half in, and half out of it. 2. Don’t pontificate. True listening requires a setting aside of oneself, and sometimes that means setting aside your personal opinion. Sensing this kind of acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. You need to enter any conversation, assuming that you have something to learn. Bill Nye once said:” Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don’t.” 3. Use open-ended questions. “What was that like?” “How was that feel?” 4. Go with the flow. Thoughts will come into your mind, and you need to let them go out of your mind. Stories and ideas are going to come to you, and you need to let them come and let them go. 5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. Talk should not be cheap. 6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs. All experiences are individual. And more importantly, it is not about you. You don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are, or how much you’ve suffered. 7. Try not to repeat yourself. It’s condescending, and it’s really boring. 8. Stay out of the weeds. People don’t care about the details that you’re struggling to come up with in your mind. They don’t care. What they care is about you. So forget the details, leave them out. 9. Listen. Listening is perhaps the most, the number 1 most important skill that you could develop. Why do we not listen to each other? 1)We’d rather talk. When we’re talking, we’re in control. 2) We get distracted. Most of us don’t listen with the intent to understand, we listen with the intent to reply. 10. Be brief. Keep it short enough to retain the interest, and long enough to overt the subject. To sum up, please be interested in other people. Keep your mouth shut and your mind open. Be always prepared to be amazed by others.
Kasia L (22 days ago)
"Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand, we listen with the intent to reply".
Theo Marascu (23 days ago)
Hm. I think I send roughly around 500 texts a day 😂😂
Kalyan Singh (23 days ago)
Thank you. !
Gabriel Kuba (24 days ago)
An excellent and beautiful talk from a wonderful and beautiful person!... Thank you!
m (24 days ago)
Be prepared to be amazed! Excellent advice Celeste :) Thank you for your insightful talk. So true. We learn more by actually listening.
Allons-y (24 days ago)
*I do'n say how to thank you*
Big Booty Bueno (26 days ago)
Ironically I was multitasking while watching this video and ended up barely listening
e2sguy (26 days ago)
Political correctness is a cancer on society
Eliz Mead (26 days ago)
If we follow her points it’s not a conversation it’s just noise. Why bother?
بائعة الورد (27 days ago)
you are amazing😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
**TheHappyHoot** (27 days ago)
Loved this TED Talk!
Jenny Han (27 days ago)
A very inspiring speech. Love every second listening to it
Christina H. (27 days ago)
the crowd was laughing at things that weren't funny but serious points. They seemed like a moronic audience.
Natalia C SR (28 days ago)
Celeste killed that
iEuno1 (28 days ago)
I have to deal with communication warfare and , due to systems analysis and listening skills, as well as reporting to mental health specialist, not to mention cybernetics experts, military police.
Life & Nature (28 days ago)
Brava, excellent video and content
david hwang (29 days ago)
Thank you.
keith gordon (1 month ago)
this is the most fun ted talk <3
keith gordon (1 month ago)
i fucking love this woman so much!!!
NOUHAILA KHALIL (1 month ago)
LOVE It !
Sveta Smart (1 month ago)
Actually, it is good to say the same many times in different times if you want someone to change their mind. They start thinking about that, and I am so grateful to my co worker about the advice to talk a lot of times and say the same to my kid who almost dropped school. Somehow my words went to his mind and he finished school successfully. From this I take a lesson - never take an advice on YouTube as the right one. Or any advice . Check it first.o
P D (1 month ago)
This is before Trump, when we truly got divided and stopped listening to each other.
Geo Korf (1 month ago)
Hahah Someone in the audience is laugh like jokers traps XD
elena lopez (1 month ago)
you are amazing 🤗😍😉
sophea kh (1 month ago)
Good talks sis
Paris75 (1 month ago)
God, I finally LEARNED something out of Youtube and TedX !! Thanks Celeste
Nazi Aly (1 month ago)
its amazing ted talk,,,enjoyed it
Nazi Aly (1 month ago)
how can we intend to reply unless we listen ....
Tupaq Amaru (1 month ago)
Don't be a pontiff, my favourite and kind of principle....... beautiful....
Dr. Lianie Jean (1 month ago)
(1) way 2 go about enter-personal skills. [2] learning is fun. <3>differentiate AppRoach
I'm a Conversationalist
marco brenni (1 month ago)
Celeste, you are a smart person!
Derick Ofodirinwa (1 month ago)
Why the assumption that conversations are inherently beneficial or 'good'? We cover our noses when there's an offensive smell, why run towards an offensive conversation?
モウナHezbri (1 month ago)
I need an English native speaker ! please ! I am doing doctorate degree about English speaking ! and I want hand from real Native speakers ! Could you help me ? Please !
diane dreyfus (1 month ago)
Best advice in eons!
Luke Bravin (1 month ago)
"kids are interacting with themselves through screens" Not true, just moments ago my housemate sent me a meme, I laughed and shouted down the stairs "good meme!", to which he replied with a chuckle :P
Kim Võ (1 month ago)
Wow, I understand what have happened to me and the way I communicate with other people. Thanks God I got your video! It helps me to reflect myself a lot. Thanks you very much, Celeste Headlee <3
Trung Nguyen Van (1 month ago)
I watch it for learn english...
Kelly Catbagan (1 month ago)
4:27 when the intro ends and the content begins
Patrick Wachsmuth (1 month ago)
Nice.
Pham Phuoc (1 month ago)
She has a little nervousness, i can hear her breath
INDERVIR HUNDAL (1 month ago)
Weather, health?Politics?Who are you married to and live with?Subject? can talk about?Interview peopleExpert in somethingOpen ended question Who, what, why and where? Try to get describingIf you don't know - sayExperience, individuals about them not youRepeat what they are saying not what you are repeatingNot Details - about you not detailsListen
Aivar (1 month ago)
Советское Общество "Знание" в чистом виде. И его лекторы. Один в одинешенек.
Elna Navarro (1 month ago)
Listen and be amazed, my most favorite line.
Lisa Siembida (1 month ago)
Impressive speech, method of delivery was spot on, funny/enjoyable to listen/watch, and absolutely perfect conversation tips/reminders!!! It was informationally packed, direct and to the point, relatable, and helpful to anyone. 😂🎉
Concerned Geek (1 month ago)
Coming back from the Jim Jeffries video about being ugly...trying to develop my people skills because I need it XD. Just remember mah fellow ugly ladies and dudes, or even mah average looking ladies and dudes, we're much more easy to approach so if you're fun to talk to too you'll be just as good at making friends as anybody else!

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