When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations — and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed."
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Yeah, so....I believe the Civil War was as divided as our nation has ever been. I am so tired of hearing so called "educated" "intelligentsia" say that it's never been this bad. It's sad. Facebook isn't a great example. Facebook is really the movie "Idiocracy" in real life.
It's not just that people don't listen to one another...People make decisions based on life experience and their intellect. If you have been arrested, then you know how our criminal justice system really works. If you haven't, then your concept of what justice is is based on what you saw on tv or heard on the news. Regardless of your intellect, you just don't understand AND everything you believe on the subject is inaccurate. We have some people that have similar life experience but because of one's intellect, they are able to understand complex issues at a higher level and their opinions differ. Anti vax is a good example I heard from this video. Most people have vaccinated. Many have had side effects from the vaccinations (their kids are sick....constantly...and they keep going back to the doctor for prescription drugs that will temporarily cover up symptoms over and over). They keep getting the increased vaccination schedule for thier kids because they are told that they are good for you and that you had better get them for the safety of others. The person of intellect will question why their kid is getting sick. They will try to change their behaviors to reduce sickness and part of that is by not over vaccinating. They will also look at the ingredients of vaccines, they will also look at big pharma's control of vaccines and their lack of government oversight. When you put that together along with their child's response response, it becomes clear that for them, over-vaccination is harmful. You can see that without intellect and the ability to question what you are spoon fed, you are a part of the status quo.
Celeste's talk has changed my life! I am a full time investigator and her excellent insights into the human interaction that occurs during a conversation has had an incredible impact in every aspect of my life...EVERYONE is an expert in something-even if it's only themselves...!
"Frankly people don't care about the years, the names, the dates all those details your struggling to come up with in your mind...they don't care, what they care about is you." That really resonated with me, I have to rememberer next time when I'm doing exactly that.
Very interesting and delightfully presented. Important information for public consumption and so true and to the point. I just wish she could tell everyone around me. Thanks again for a delightful delivery of your presentation.
I'm not good at keep the flow going. However, I found a statement that helps a lot when someone is in need of someone else to talk to, you don't know what to say or you don't have any advice:
"Tell me more."
People light up with just those three words and they'll love you for it.
Loved this, but I disagree that some of those old tools – specifically, eye contact, nodding, and repeat back – should be tossed out. In addition to not listening, we’ve become accustomed to others not listening to us and we need that feedback. Hopefully, if you are listening, the other person will know but it can help a lot to give them proof. Trying to show people that you hear them can even help you listen.
When I was younger, I had a terrible habit of raising my voice at the end of a statement as if it were a question? And ending statements with the phrase, “y’know?” I ended those habits when I realized that I did them because I felt that I wasn’t being listened to. I was less apt to do those things if people were giving me non-verbal cues and repeating back parts of what I said.
Now I have a 13 year old who I am trying to teach how to listen and have a conversation (I sent her a link to this video). I worry that she’s going to have problems out there in the world when conversing with people who don’t love her unconditionally like I do, and aren’t as fascinated by everything on her mind (and believe me, she can bore me!) as I am. First steps: eye contact, nodding, and repeating back. At least if you’re trying to do those things, you’re more apt to actually listen as well!
People walk away from me on 2 grounds: a). When I have something to say; and b). When I listen. People don't walk away on 1 ground: it is what the late psychologist Carl Rogers called "psychological contact." Others call it "rapport" and still others call it "chemistry." In some cases it might be said, "it was like we have known each other our whole lives." Some people, like this speaker, can do this with a lot of people, in this some 6 million on Youtube. Call it what you may, but conversation that matches sitting on the front porch with your best friend kind of stuff, is hard from some of us mere mortals to come by, no matter who many books and speeches we attend.
She gives some good advice, especially the listening part. But her conclusion didn't really resonate with me because it sounded like an iteration of "get gud", only in the context of conversations. "Be like me, (I'm a great conversationalist), listen and be interested." We're not you. And we will never be you. All we can do is work with what emotions we have available to us. Just rubs me the wrong way when people assume, "If I can do it, you can do it too." That's an assumption, not a fact.
1. Don't multitask. (4:27)
2. Don't pontificate. (4:50)
3. Use open ended questions. (6:02)
4. Go with the flow. (6:39)
5. If you don't know, say that you don't know. (7:26)
6. Don't equate your experience with their. (7:46)
7. Try not to repeat yourself. (8:26)
8. Stay out of the wits. (8:46)
9. Listen. (9:08)
10. Be brief. (10:29)
so..when was it not right to choose your friends and your spouse based on what "you believe"???? Off the bat Celeste would not have a calm conversation with me. If I am a Christian, would I marry a satanist???? I don't know any Christian who would! I don't know any satanist who would marry a Christian - sister Mary...we gravitate towards people with like beliefs, and realizing that we "live" in a world with people who have polarizing beliefs - I don't have to friend them or marry them to be civil and live/work with them. She's saying we have to compromise??? Why do we have to "compromise" our values and what we believe just to have a conversation??? If this is a "you better tolerate me or else" videos like it's sounding in the first minute and a half - I'm outta!
Most women need to take notice of this, as far as I'm concerned women are no better at doing more than one thing at a time than men they just WANT to do more than one thing at a time but that means they still neglect more than one thing at a time and its rude if theyre on social media conversing so please ladies have the respect to pay proper attention when youre in conversation on media as you would in person.
When people do start to listen to others, they should try to avoid DISTRACTIONS such as using their phones and/or having random thoughts & avoid INTERRUPTIONS unless its necessary because it just annoys me when others would do both of these when I am talking to them.
Really thought this would be interesting but a middle aged person immediately starting off a talk about the reasons why we're having bad conversations by blaming the young using technology is getting really boring. Personally found myself without anyone around me who I connected with even after trying all the things she later suggests and it was only through technology and using it FOR better conversations and connections and learning about people other than those around me or in my bubble - that I became more aware, open and toleratnt of different people.
I had a question, what if I can be the person like that, but my friend doesn't, I don't feel being care in the conversation or being listened by my friends. and every time our conversation just doesn't make me feel being understood, and the truth is I cannot ask everybody to be a good listener, am I just have to give up the friend?
Cammie Hong Yes. Our friends are a reflection of you. Though understand that this is the goal after which you have known a person.
You have put effort into tolerating their habits, but have not seen change, nor have they themselves tried being open-minded to you. You are wasting your time with this person that you speak of.
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