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What is Emotional Intelligence?

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Many of humanity’s greatest problems stem not from a shortfall of technical or financial intelligence, but what we term emotional intelligence. It is through the acquisition of Emotional Intelligence that we stand to become better lovers, workers, friends and citizens. We are rarely systematically taught Emotional Intelligence and pay a heavy price for this gap in learning. The School of Life is dedicated to fostering Emotional Intelligence. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/yTdrny Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/EpFPZJ FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://goo.gl/uKtkXK MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/ZCNGqX Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLself You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Tracy Foster​ http://www.tracyfoster.co.uk Directed & Produced by Tracy Foster Sound Design by Howard Sinden #TheSchoolOfLife
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Text Comments (1343)
The School of Life (1 year ago)
The conversation here has taken a fascinating turn (fascinating for us at least): we see a lot of comments that want to suggest that emotional intelligence does not exist/has been made up/is not a thing. We assume that what people mean by this is that science, especially neuroscience, cannot clearly identify a separate part of the mind that can be referred to as Emotional Intelligence. This is perhaps very true. But it somewhat bypasses our point. We're not looking for scientific validation, we're simply pointing out certain emotional faculties which can be more or less developed in people - and can be fostered by a good surrounding culture. We're surprised too at the line of argument that suggests that the idea of Emotional Intelligence was invented by 'stupid' people to make themselves feel better about not having achieved anything. This seems unnecessarily harsh - because achievement comes in many forms and the ability to understand human nature is as valid a pursuit as the ability to (for example) play basketball or cook well.
Tom Ryan (2 months ago)
I like that you mentioned media as a contributor to emotional intelligence. Even though TV is a terrible place to learn how real people behave, it can be great for teaching lessons about how YOU can behave. The best comedies are always filled with examples of extremely high-level social skills that you can learn to use. I picked up on the attractiveness of being imperturbable through accepting your personal flaws from great characters like Michael Bluth, Jim Halpert, Ray from Archer, and so on.
Cheryl Hiltzik (3 months ago)
I have interviews with educators and a neuropsychologist who absolutely agrees with your assessment of the need to teach emotional intelligence early on. There are a million neural connections a second being made in the brain of a baby. We need to make them count.
William Chamberlain (3 months ago)
The School of Life I think that you're running up against Jordan Peterson's popularity, and he states a few times that emotional intelligence is not a thing.
giving up (3 months ago)
I think it's ridiculous that people are saying that 'stupid' people made this up...I think emotional intelligence comes from experience mostly. Just as street smarts do. I know people that are highly intelligent in mathematics, etc...but are EXTREMELY susceptible to being taken advantage of, and are extremely naive and clueless when it comes to people...so are those people 'dumb?' No...they are just intelligent in different areas of the brain/in life...
Jordan Santos (4 months ago)
The School of Life well said👍
Shambhavi Yamgar (6 days ago)
You guys have no idea what a great content you are producing. Let's change the world together.
The School of Life (6 days ago)
Thank you so much: do help us to change things!
ahua luo (10 days ago)
Who else wants to trade IQ for EI
Side Effects (18 days ago)
Okay okay but why is this video creepy
miles alton (1 month ago)
Your voice puts me to sleep like not even in a bad way If I can’t sleep I just bang on one of your videos and i feel calmed
Good post about children’s emotional intelligence “Children’s Emotional Intelligence During Early School Years” https://ekidz.eu/en/emotional-intelligence-school-children/
Evian Mason (1 month ago)
Thats What i am Learning about
JaneJax N LunaLux (1 month ago)
It is frustrating when you try to better yourself by being more self-aware about what you do and how it affects people, BUT others aren’t self-aware with themselves and you try to be tolerable but you know if you told them what they’re doing is frustrating others they won’t change They’ll go on saying stuff like, “oh if they don’t like me for who I am then I’m fine with it,” In all honesty the problem is not others, it is the one in denial and you can’t take it but you know they’re having problems so you try to be tolerable BUT OMFG they’re just insufferable with their hypocrisy, nosiness and their inability to keep secrets Making everything I’ve worked for to be a better person waste for this brings out my inner demons I need advice and help Help me
Jack Pistone (1 month ago)
One thing can definitely be inferred, cell phones are decreasing our emotional intelligence!
Justin Jay Bartolome (1 month ago)
Joel Vorensky (1 month ago)
I define emotional intelligence as it reflects using methodologies that resonate with oneself to process effectively, efficiently, and with self-discipline the nuances of emotions (visualize a rainbow) anger through rage, fear through terror, and sadness through grief and processing enough of those nuances to get clear in our thinking. We can therefore better access our flexible intelligence and think clearly. I teach Peer Counseling and "Animated Laughter with Feelings" (I created it) as two methods to achieve this result. In addition, I wrote three books with the theme "I Dare to Heal". When we are hurt or traumatized the anger, fear, and sadness are three emotions that we must address. Attempting to address them cognitively and with behavioral methods are difficult. I teach the use of different types of breath to connect and discharge the nuances of emotion by way of "Animated Laughter with Feelings". It works..
COLT zli (1 month ago)
Hello , anyone introduces to database.az ? best site for learning and earning.
Elizebeth Stayton (1 month ago)
Super great video, my problem is that I AM emotionally intelligent, so I KNOW how I'm feeling and what I need, but people around me assume I'm like everyone else and DON'T know, so they interpret what I say through the same filter that we need to use with most people, but then we have severe miscommunication because when they won't accept my words at face value, they get stuck on continually misinterpreting what I'm saying because it doesn't fit the model lol
Alimah B (1 month ago)
Might sound strange but I am completely turned on by the dialogue.
DeanRendar84 (2 months ago)
and this will be a must have trait for the prospective woman I choose to court. This is an indicator of a grounded, fully fleshed out, self aware, accountable, adult. If anyone is a "slave" to their emotions head for the hills, its just a bullyish rationalization for how they will make excuses, and scapegoat out of for being completely volatile without apology because they down own up for the behaviors they choose to react through. We as humans are greater than any animals because we reason with logic, but when someone selfish cons you into thinking "you left me no choice but to be a b*tch/pr*ck, be warned that person will use you as a frustration punching bag because they have never embraced any concept of hard work, discomfort, or delayed gratification. Deal with babies as babies, not as baby behaving adults, its just wrong to enable that crutch for them, most likely never to grow out of and mature into something really obnoxious and still blame everyone else for their tantrums.
Dwayne Green (2 months ago)
Just thought I’d share my experience with this subject. I was employed as a Correctional Deputy at an adult detention facility for 21years, for 18 of those years I trained many new and veteran deputies on the job and additionally, supervised three academies. The main area of my instruction focused on emotional training. It was a structured academy or training where we would put them under a stressful scenario then see how they deal with it and more importantly, how they recover. At the beginning of the video it defines emotional intelligence as the ability to patiently deal with situations using insight and imagination. This was very interesting to me especially the latter about imagination. One of the first subjects my training partners and I covered was empathy. Somewhere in my research I came across an individual who said empathy is imagination...the ability to put yourself in someone else’s position to better understand them. The deputies who were able to do this not only were better at conflict resolution when dealing with inmates and other staff, but also had their personal lives in order. Before I retired, I volunteered to work as a rehabilitation deputy. In this position i was able to work with inmate who were trying to complete the program in order to lessen their time and fulfill their probation obligation. I conducted many interviews and worked closely with many in-custody women and men and I can tell you most of the people were in custody because they were very impulsive and never thought of the consequences of their actions. So again were back to emotional intelligence (insight and patience) were ingredients they didn’t implemented in their thought process. Thats why when they came to the program, I would ask them to tell me their story of why they were in custody. The first most common answer was to blame it on this person named “I don’t know”. When I tell them they can’t progress beyond me until they explain to me why they drove a car at a hundred miles an hour in a thirty zone causing injury, burglarizing elderly homes or driving drunk fort he fifth or sixth time. Eventually, they acquiesce and tell me after much embarrassment and it always came down to they just didn’t think about the consequences. Great channel, thank you for sharing, I am now a subscriber.
This is also maybe why many successful people suffer from depression. Despite having achieved their goal, once they know that they made it, then until they get the next goal, they feel emotionally hollow. I am myself feeling a sort of hollowness since the day I achieved my goal in college. Now that I don't have anything to motivate me to work hard, I have finally started to feel emotionally hollow, but I couldn't understand why I feel this way. Why am I not content with my life now. As I never regarded feelings as important, nowadays I wish I had not done so. But this video makes me realize that maybe my emotional intelligence is low. I need to work on it. This video would have been better if it suggested us how to become more emotionally intelligent. So that we can enjoy our lives to the fullest by living in the present, but not by disregarding our future and also our past.
John Leitaker (2 months ago)
like iq you are born with it..
William Chamberlain (3 months ago)
The School of Life I think that you're running up against Jordan Peterson's popularity, and he states a few times that emotional intelligence is not a thing. I'm with you on this: it might not shake out of current psychometric analysis as a coherent character trait, but it is distinct from habitual/intellectual intelligence, even if only to the extent that a person's character brings their overall capacity to bear on intellectual vs emotional processing.
giving up (3 months ago)
I think it's ridiculous that people are saying that 'stupid' people made this up...I think emotional intelligence comes from experience mostly. Just as street smarts do. I know people that are highly intelligent in mathematics, etc...but are EXTREMELY susceptible to being taken advantage of, and are extremely naive and clueless when it comes to people...so are those people 'dumb?' No...they are just intelligent in different areas of the brain/in life...
SlywolF (3 months ago)
1:43 lights off everyone, I hear a witch !
Brane8 (3 months ago)
neko prevod na balkanski...
Eduardo Medeiros (3 months ago)
1:43 WIIIIIITCH!!!!!!
Noob Saibot (4 months ago)
Boring 😓
Fernanda Accioly (4 months ago)
I wish I'd seen this video earlier and participate on the conversation. It really seems to me that EI is much more a matter of self observation and self love than purely culture. This is not scientific, but I believe meditation has a great role in it.
Miles Quickster (4 months ago)
I just wanted to understand how Morty Smith thinks
unogazzy84 (4 months ago)
I'm highly empathetic but I'm also very realistic, cautious and pessimistic. I have a habbit of putting my self in someone else's position before saying/doing something and that have helped me understand the emotions of the people I've met. My realistic and cautious side makes me consider the consequences before doing them, I have made my share of big misstakes though. My pessimistic side makes me stop hoping for anything cause hope is, according to me, toxic.
Michelle A (4 months ago)
I believe that true emotional intelligence is found fully in a relationship with Jesus Christ and His Church
Oliver Phippen (5 months ago)
Emotional IQ - is not a quality of cleverness or restlessness Its a sensitivity to others - the wisdom of their feelings that have been crushed by failure -lack of resilience It is not an inborn talent but can be taught thru Emotional education promoted by culture Do we want to be Mr Spark or Mr Sensitive This doesn't help us but makes us slaves to other people’s actions ?? Like a ping pong ball on a tennis court ??
Seraph Lazuli (5 months ago)
So far I can identify my own emotions as well as others’, take into account what experiences may affect current behavior, and what underlying emotion may be masked by surface ones, but I still struggle with applying that information toward myself. As in I can know what’s wrong, but I may still not change the behavior due to fear or guilt.
danny c (5 months ago)
Well this have just confirmed I'm bat shit crazy
eryn lewis (5 months ago)
So in other order, it’s like being a psychologist
Brody Nola (5 months ago)
Over the years there has been a embrace on EI for kids like the movie Inside out. And even the tv show Steven universe. We are headed somewhere!
Baconater 28 (5 months ago)
someone send this link to donald trump
Stephen B. (5 months ago)
low or no EI is the lack of a father in someone's life. Never around, died when they were young. Divorced parents at an early age. It's the immediate ability to see who others are and why. To get what is important to others even if it's not important to them. Low or no EI people dismiss what is important to others. Even other people do the same thing as a person with high EI, the low EI person will not make that connection. It's about connecting in any form. Whether it be someone rushing.... the other person will not connect to the why and therefore see that person as anxious or nervous. They maybe anxious but as humans we all are to some degree. They can't make that connection. The people with low EI can be bullies or idiots. They just don't get it when they see it. They can't make the connection that other people do the same thing as other people. The ability to get the why's without an explanation. Example.... A person says. I'm cold.. I need my sweater. The other person says. "Why, it's a nice day out. It's 65 degrees out. But I am cold, I need my sweater. Why? You are strange and SHOULD be like me and everyone else. The high EI people don't care. They have more empathy with what others want. When someone says... you make me nervous. That is their own insecurity because no one can make anyone feel nervous or a certain way. People with low EI can't control their emotions not the other person. They can't get what they can't see.
hemaang arora (5 months ago)
the best channel in my vision and you always upload things which I always question me
ElMehdi Saniss (5 months ago)
The understanding will not change anything. Humanity needs true spirituality, the scientific spirituality that is the medicine, the energies that can overcome the evil part of each of us. These medicines, these energies, these nouritures can only be given by an expert on human nature who could have reached a very high moral level. These experts were still the messengers of the god and his heirs who are present nowadays. From my point of view, I believe that the truth and the medicine of our nature is present on the few muslimans who have reached the level of excellence in spirituality, which means that healing can only be done with two things: the learning of spiritual knowledge musilman with the companionship with its experts to drink these virtues.
Rage Blanket (6 months ago)
level one of Ministry of Love.
Xavi R (6 months ago)
When you will be in barcelona?
Elisabeth Schröer (6 months ago)
Long live Huffelpuff! 😂
Luci Skies (6 months ago)
Oh my heart!!! The Emotional Intelligence cartoon is so fucking cute! 😄💖💖💖 love love love this so much.
Jotiba kumamekar (7 months ago)
In short not being emotional fools but be able to handle and channelise your own emotions and those of others concerned for the benefit of all.
conservativeneurology B4 (7 months ago)
a case for 'intelligent design'...fear is expecting bad, faith is expecting good...be faithful and keep the holy faith holy:)
Sai Bhargav (7 months ago)
I was inborn with E.I
LordRacing16 (7 months ago)
That is said here, what the western society gingerly starts to learn and understand was taught by Buddha 2,500 years ago.
Elkyrja Malaininen (7 months ago)
or as otherwise know as smartness for the dumb kids
Cheryl Rajewski (7 months ago)
This video suggests that EI is not taught at all, however the study of literature and social sciences covers much ground toward having a greater capacity for EI.
Guy North (7 months ago)
This was excellent, it would help kids get away from the gun culture.
ICONIQUE Psychology (8 months ago)
Emotional Intelligence should be taught at schools ASAP. With social media and the pressures of the everyday life we need to become resilient and we need our children to be taught how to cope with what awaits them in the real world. Math skills are not going to save your relationship. Geography will not help you recover from a breakup and history will not teach you how to believe in yourself.
rocr62 (8 months ago)
The greatest threat to western civilization is the HR department.
sun shine (8 months ago)
im not emotional intelligent at all
Jimmy Bedding (8 months ago)
How about learn to be natural and be yourself no matter what - take it or leave - not this post modern emotional gymnastics - full of kooks and fakes lol
emotional intelligence is just a way for dumb people to pretend that they're smart. you're either intelligent or you aren't. gotta rip that bandaid off now. its just another part of the "everyone is speshul" mentality for people who are jealous of real intelligence and it devalues real intelligence.
reyell15917 Ramos (8 months ago)
totality of life's learning.. not only based on emotions.
EYE OF THE WATCH (8 months ago)
Emotional intelligence.or psychology should be taught in schools.
mahip mahanta (8 months ago)
Nice Message Brother .
A Joy Forever (8 months ago)
Now I'm emotionally and intellectually confused...
lilmanjp (9 months ago)
I like Asians moaning, you know in porno, oh yeah.
Jonathan Lopez (9 months ago)
Soooo basically what you're saying is... Trump has no emotional intelligence? Or any intelligence for that matter, just how to manipulate people.
John Wasinger (9 months ago)
I'm still stuck on step three on how to lose weight in four easy steps. I have learned that all it takes is time to move on.
Coco Zhang (9 months ago)
I particularly agree with culture having a big influence on EI. One example is the Norwegian teen drama SKAM, I'd never seen a group of more well-adjusted teenagers than is depicted in the show, & I dare say any young people who watch & love the show can be guided to be more communicative, accepting, giving, and compassionate.
Nkwocha chidi (9 months ago)
Tu De (10 months ago)
So now l want school of life to teach me the workouts and skills for EI. Where can get the information!?
Music online youtube (10 months ago)
SHORT: E.I. is that you know to read people real emotions, not the mask they put on.
C Z (10 months ago)
Absolutely right
Roy T Branco (10 months ago)
I would rather look at the subject as emotional acceptance?
tim gong (10 months ago)
I'm a good person but I'm such a jerk sometimes
glitchtimefail (10 months ago)
I love this! This video resonates with me
Xcio Shapeed (10 months ago)
That is, who controls power plants are emotionally unstable? Post Data: Great video, it's a need teach the society how to control what drives each individual to act in certain way.
Maria Martinez (10 months ago)
I'm a Primary School Teacher who is really interested in this subject and Mindfulness. Long ago, I realized how kids are supposed to learn contents but are not able to deal with their emotions. In a trip to Thailand, after starting Yoga and Meditation, I found out how disconnected I was to myself and the world, mainly because no one taught me how to handle my emotions. Now I wanna know myself better, be the best copy of myself and find that balance. Thanks for the amazing video-S.
Gabriel 1 (10 months ago)
I thought I had above average EQ until I saw this video.
w8erdoggo (10 months ago)
emotions are repetitive if you are analytical and easily see patterns you would see the many flaws and repetitiveness of human beings
My Depressieon Diary (11 months ago)
Steve Igi (11 months ago)
1:43 left for dead witch?
Glen Patrick Cullen (11 months ago)
Alexander McGrath (11 months ago)
This explains the Trump phenomenon somewhat, at least. Given how difficult said phenomenon is to explain, I'd say that's pretty impressive.
Trenzinho da Alegria (11 months ago)
So I completely lack emotional intelligence? I am not able to read other people's emotions although I know that anger is a form of sadness. In fact sadness is behind one's ability to value anything. Without sadness there is no value, if you had unconditional joy you would accept anything.
hailshonny (11 months ago)
Came here upon watching Jordan Peterson lecture on IQ where he dismisses EQ has just level of agreeableness. He draws a pretty bleak picture of reality and future of humanity. Somehow I'm more convinced of the importance of agreeableness.
Kathryn Epling (1 year ago)
idk i came because of jrotc
Roryion Estrada (9 months ago)
Kathryn Epling same 😂
Patrick Murray (1 year ago)
Your videos are garbage
Aaa Aaaa (1 year ago)
I don't understand what he meant by culture having a positive effect on our emotional intelligence. Could someone explain it to me?
Athena X (1 year ago)
ive been like this since i was a fetus, as a girl most people cant even handle me.
Niskis (1 year ago)
Kyle Wit (1 year ago)
How have we "tamed nature" if we as a species have failed to master the workings of our own bodies, let alone considering that we have brought upon ourselves impending environmental catastrophe through careless industrial practices?
TinFoil Overlord (1 year ago)
Sounds like bullshit.
Ruby Sultan (1 year ago)
can someone do the apa citation for this video please?
Syazlina Aasim (1 year ago)
2:44 Emotional Ingelligence?
G. Maximus (1 year ago)
Emotional=an expression or reaction to feelings, feelings being abstract to the past and present. Intelligence=deciphering the appropriateness of the circumstances.
frankem51 (1 year ago)
The key to emotional intelligence is to understand that emotions are physical feelings in the body and not the way the world is.
joudeika durden (1 year ago)
lights out, i hear a Witch
Onnana (1 year ago)
No. Emotional Intelligence cannot be taught. You are born with it. You can tell which kids have it and which kids don't. You realize it during your teen years. IT IS NOT empathy, agreeableness. The best way I can describe it is that you can literally sense peoples moods, a rooms atmosphere, a persons underlying emotion, peoples reactions and the causes for them, power dynamics in people, social cues and you have a very clear understanding of your own emotions as well. Although many normal people can sense these types of things, it is heightened for emotionally intelligent people and much more information is registered. Its quite a powerful tool.
I became highly intelligence in emotion for being very logical. Although I sometimes overextend on emotional response against illogical arguments (rarely though). And that I don't understand irrationality of human behavior. I always try to be as rational as possible leaving emotion only on deciding the value of my life. I've been told I have no empathy. And sometimes I am. But since the majority of the point is based on controlling the emotion regardless of method(in which I use logic) I score really high on it. (: (: (: (: (:
Stephen Lawrence (1 year ago)
Interesting what you imply about using emotional intelligence to help protect the species and the planet, which I'm sure is true. Yet many who already do that aren't particularly emotionally intelligent - either that or they're faced with an E.I. problem which is sufficiently difficult (= far removed from their own experiences) to be difficult to understand. Not without a lot of personal investment, that is... My own EI was hindered by being brought up in a very rarified environment, one where emotions (esp. of others) were tacitly considered to be stupid or an "admission of weakness of intellect". Whereas in reality they are examples of different experiences.
Stephen Lawrence (1 year ago)
I'd like to add that emotional intelligence doesn't come without a penalty - it takes energy to empathise, which is why I suspect many don't do it as much as they are capable. Earlier in my life I felt it (empathy) as a burden - or even as an unwanted intrusion into somenody else's life. That was largely reflecting my own feeling that it would have been an unwanted intrusion into mine. But when it came to it, it wasn't unwelcome at all!
David Katuin (1 year ago)
Emotional intelligence, to measure the emotions. So I wonder what are emotions? I think they are a broadcast from our instincts. I have them but I don't control them.by control I mean the ability to shut them off. I can suppress them for a while but that's the extent of it. they seem to be a prompt to do something.basicly to balance out my values. I think I understand what this video is getting at however I think emotional intelligence should be emotional understanding.instincts are all about values and intelligence is about our ability to measure something.although they operate together being able to distinguish them would be beneficial to understanding human behavior.insticts is about good or bad and intelligence is about right or wrong. I think you are going in the right direction.
Vinny Falco123 (1 year ago)
Emotional education doesn't sound all that different from post modernism. Making people more empathetic does not mean people will be less volitile. Making people more aware of others feelings is not going to change the violence that springs up over being maternal like that.
Vinny Falco123 (1 year ago)
It's proven that emotional intelligence doesn't exist
Ollie Hutton (1 year ago)
"Culture: from it's highest, to it's most popular level' Is that to say that with popularity comes low/banal culture?
Un conditional love is the source of universal energy condition and ego are the main problems in love Let us eradicate the conditions and ego to over come the real love
Alice Mc (1 year ago)
So maybe if someone had given Hitler a Snickers things may have worked out differently?

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