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Do you wish you could meet new people, hold meaningful conversations, and develop closer friendships...without all the anxiety and trial-and-error? Find out how in this exclusive how-to video.
1:38 How to get your point across without getting interrupted.
5:45 Talk to strangers and keep the conversation going.
13:48 Politely wrap up a conversation
17:00 Become a compelling storyteller
20:45 Make small talk with anyone
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I absolutely hate interacting with people. It's not enjoyable and never has been for me. I need to learn how to do it better for my job but I don't even know where to start. I've come off as standoffish and it's not that I dislike people I just genuinely don't want to talk to them. Unfortunately that strains relations and makes things tense. What to do...
I think my biggest weakness with social interaction is that I cannot articulate what I am going to say effectively. That results in me either talking to fast or just mumbling. The results? I can't really convey what I'm actually going to say and the other person left clueless of what I'm saying. Often, when I realize that I' talking to fast, I tried to slow down a bit but I still ended up talking too fast seconds after. It's perhaps the nervousness.
First of all, I don't know what teens do on their phones, tbh, I just use my phone for:
Calling. Texting (My family cause I have no friends). Playin' Games. App use. And that's it (App use as like normal apps like Notes, YouTube, ETC. Not social media though. E.G. Snapchat, Instagram, ETC).
My biggest social challenged is retaining the information someone gives to me. I'm so focused on thinking of references and making sure the conversation doesn't die out that I only keep what they say for a little bit. I'm working on retaining information , and leading the conversation a lot more fluently.
I am Bilal from Pakistan. I have to say that I'm really impressed with your skill and practical knowledge. I being an active searcher online for personality improvement content find it very hard to find a true expert.
I hope the offer still exists :P... My weakness is that I always think that I've to please others in social discussion so that they like me (had a rejected childhood so this is something that I discovered recently). Because of this I somehow do certain actions/discussions that makes other feel that I'm unimportant and not powerful. Also this gets negatively complimented by my inexperience in social gatherings as I in my childhood altogether decided to stay away from social surroundings due to continuous rejection and appearance of being immature. I'm 27 yrs old and work for a multinational company where this skill is must and highly required for future growth. I have improved over past five years after incredibly awkward failures but still I feel there's a big gap between me and colleagues who are social alphas.
Although this video is 5years old but I'm hoping for a life changing advice very specific to my case.
Thanking in anticipation. :)
Hey Ramit ,
I know its been a very long time since the video was aired. I only got to watch it now. The thing is i am a very introverted kind of personality , my technical skills are very good also are my thoughts but i am not able to show the true value of my ideas at meetings where i am easily overpowered by others. I know i can break through this shell of mine, I need to be coached.
Looking forward for your reply.
My biggest weakness is that I appear to be creepy by the way that I carry myself and the way I dress. My skin is very pale and my hair is always greasy, my dressing is below average. The eye contact would definitely need to improve, I try to maintain eye contact and sometimes I do it well, however, this is an inconsistent process of looking people in the eye some of the time. Another thing that needs to be worked on is how I get to close to some of the people that I talk to and the shortest distance that I will allow myself to get near them would be 10 inches. Sometimes I need to practice listening and contributing with acknowledging what the other person is saying and to build off on this besides only asking questions. I am sure that there is much more that I have been doing wrong but above are the social material that I will need to work on first.
People: "LISTEN, ASK QUESTIONS"
**I end up being a listener and the person doesnt learn a single damn thing about me**
Me: "Now what?"
People: "SHARE ABOUT YOURSELF!"
Me: *shares and the person looks disinterested*
People: *Stop responding*
My biggest weakness is that I can’t find the middle ground between talking and listening. This one time I had asked my friend about what he did this week, he replied with “it was fine”. What I should have done was explain something interesting that happened during my week to follow up with a second question. The goal would be to learn about what he did during his weekend.
Hello. Great video. I was actually here concerned for a very socially award friend. I realized after listening that I need this for myself.
A problem I have run into time and again is introducing people to each other at gatherings. I had always avoided it.
I recently confided in a particular friend that I was to introduce to others to that I have a tendency of forgetting everyone's name even hers, regardless of how long I've known people. I get so nervous that I will even mess up on my own name. By confiding in her and asking for help we agreed that she would simply say her name and ask what the other person's name is. I could still approach, say hello and begin the introduction by saying "this is my friend I want you to meet".... And this is my friend's signal to step in to assist me.
I am aware this is not ideal, but it is a step forward instead of ignoring that necessary process.
Btw, I did not find an area to leave my email address. :)
Well for me, most of the times when people pass a comment or say something, I can't decide as to what or how to respond to them.. So I just end up saying ok, hmm, or nodding my head. A couple of times that happens, people tend to get uninterested in speaking to me. Over a period of time, it has turned me apprehensive of getting into conversations.
Its interesting that you asked about I would like to improve on, because I struggle with leaving a conversation, even though it's coming to a perfectly natural end. We all can sense it, but, it seems rude to be the first to leave. If you are willing to assist me with this process, I would truly be grateful. Curious, how would you reach me though?
I Will Teach You To Be Rich Although I have improved throughout the years, I still have some lacking in my social intelligence because of the following aspects:
-I am intimidated in certain types of social situations; for example when I go to work I am feeling very anxious, ashamed and nervous when I talk with older personnel, which started to behave a lot colder towards me. The fact that I am not sure what am I did to maybe offend them and that I cannot contribute in conversations with them as I do with others from university for example, makes me lose confidence when speaking to them and I feel like I want to simply die in the moment! An example of a scenario is when they were talking about a certain trend of cars that I wanted to talk about as well, I did not know when to interfere with my point of view (pov) and when they ask me to do something for them I am incapable of saying No to tasks such as signing a shit loads of paperwork for them and stay at the printer for too long while they finish ahead of me and never stay to help me for a change.
-The 2nd thing I am struggling with is standing up for myself in a manner that will not get my ass fired from the job because it is where I make my living and I grew too comfortable to move from there at the moment. As mentioned from my first sentence is that I was not capable of saying No in situations where I considered deep down that I was treated unfairly, but I am afraid that after I express my point of view they will hate me and fire me and I will not have any proof to back it up with.
All these things have 1 thing in common: lack of assertiveness in my opinion and I wish to learn that properly and stand up for myself in a manner where I will not be affected.
This situation makes me annoyed because when I talk to friends of mine at University or at home with my parents I can socialise and express my point without any trouble but the atmosphere there feels so negative and sucks all the power and confidence inside me! It feels like I am threatened with a dirty secret that will be exposed in exchange for a certain something from my side! Could you help me get what is wrong from these situations and why is it impossible to have a good relationship with my seniors and stand up for myself with them?
This is a great video! Thanks for making it and I really wish I could have seen it 5.5. years ago when it was first posted! I would love to know who got to go on that incredible opportunity trip! My biggest weakness is not asking great questions. I am interested in people and love listening to others. But learning to steer the questions (such as the student in the example had issues with) and show the other person I am engaged and interested.
I feel like my biggest weakness stems from me feeling awkward in unfamiliar groups/social settings. In smaller groups (2-3 people) and in groups of people that I AM familiar with, I feel more comfortable and suave. In contrast to the unfamiliar/larger groups become my kryptonite. I get really anxious and my voice softens and loses it's depth and masculinity. I studer my words and can't get the words out in an even glow when I am the one speaking in the unfamiliar/larger groups. I tend to fidget with my hands some not knowing how or where to place them other than NOT in my pockets and NOT crossing my arms, so I can appear fidgety. I speak to fast and whatever words I can get out while speaking I usually end up confusing those I'm speaking too. I have a "resting dick head face" and I've been told and also feel that I'm not very approachable. Intimidating is how I've been described. I have trouble making small talk and keeping conversations going (crickets...crickets....crickets). I feel a better connection to the dominant female than I would the dominant male, I need to learn how to use my good looks to my advantage with appropriate flirtation with women and more charismatic and likeable... EVERYTIME I've been stopped from reaching that next level has ALWAYS stemmed from the dullness of my soft skills/communication intelligence. I know for 100%certainty that if my communication/soft skills could be sharpened to a fine point then I know I'll be able to cut out anything that would stand in the way of my rise to the top.
i’m soo painfully awkward when i’m trying to talk to someone i’m attracted to or intimidated by... i freeze up and get stuck in my head. i think all these negative things about myself and loop them in my mind. they can tell i’m uncomfortable and it makes them uncomfortable. it’s the worst 😩
"social skills" can be manipulation, and in my experience as somene with autism and mental illness I find that "normal" people often get very angry and defensive when I have asked them for help with social skills and they do not want to help us.
I have a hard time initiating the conversation. Just don't know where to start. However, surprisingly people come up to me and start conversing. Which is cool since I'm naturally a quiet guy. I also have a slight stutter. This video was very informative 👍
I Will Teach You To Be Rich Wow I totally didn’t expect a response from you. I just feel so nervous when it comes to initiating conversations. For an example, there is this pretty Japanese girl sitting right next to me as we speak and yet I’m way too nervous to even initiate conversation with her out of fear of making a fool of myself.
Social issue for me? I have a group interview coming up in two weeks, and I filmed myself. I concluded that i seem indecisive and rugged, unlike Ramit who speaks with fluency and smoothness. When I talk it isn't right, seems scripted and there's stuttering and bad pauses... I am fairly new to this dimension of the world, but just like any skill this can be developed and mastered.
im finna get good at this social stuff in two days, cause im desperately hungry to get this job has introduced me to social shitz
This is really interesting! Quick question: when you are observing other people's reactions in order to determine how they're receiving something, do you write things down afterwards? Like a sort of what to do/ what not to do list? Or do you carry everything in your head?
While interacting with people it seems like they are not interested in talking to you or they dont like talking to you because of which you feel after a while when u will leave that group you will be backbitched.
How to become more impressive
I wanted to know we’re you still doing the training that you stated at the. End of the video...
My apologies , My name is Saeed. The reason why I would like to attend is as followed.
When I was younger about early two thousands. I lived in a ruff area in New Jersey. Around that time the community couldn’t walk out of the house without hearing gun shots or seeing people kill each other... for this reason I got sent to me fathers house. Unfortunately my father only allow me to stay in the house or walk around the Conor and back I was eleven years old going into middle school the following school year.
When I came back to my mothers house. I attempted to go back outside to hang with friends.. at the point there was drive bys that happened during the summer so everyone was on high alert... To prevent myself from becoming affiliated or killed. I stayed inside of the house... thoughtout middlesex it was a routine school and home. Once I got to high school it was school work and home. This has kept me alive. However it is difficult for me to connect with my peers. Currently I am twenty three but I seem to connect with old people more than my peers.
Currently I am working on my social skills to better myself. In addition to, be able to work as an Business owner.
Great video Ramit! Become genuinely interested in other people. "You can make more friends in two months by being interested in them, than in two years by making them interested in you." People often live their life as though they are the main star and everyone else are their co-stars. We forget it is not the only movie that exists as everyone else is also the main star in their own movie. Instead of trying to get others to be interested in us, be curious about others. Ask insightful questions about others life. Most people have at least one subject that they would be happy to talk about. Ask others about their Hobbies, countries they have travelled to. When they talk about something they enjoy, they will be attracted to talk to you again because you gave them an opportunity to re-experience the positive emotions from their souvenir. The only way to make quality, lasting friendships is to learn to be genuinely interested in them and their interests.
Great vid! My issue: Talking to people who are bad listeners -> I am forced into Question mode and can never get my own stuff in and have to resort to jokes. Question: Assuming I can commo/story-tell half-decently, how do I make a non-listener (read: someone bad at social skills) listen? Tks!
Also: 5 yrs later, is that contest still in play? ;-)
I don't know what happened to me I used to be outgoing,loud and I talked way too much and now I'm awkward,shy and I can't keep a conversation going.At school everyone is just talking and I can't make covnersation but I do try but then I have absolutely nothing to talk about,it's very boring I tried talking about class because that's beginner but then idk what else
My weakness in social is that I am very blunt and not good at sugar coating the truth, for example: ‘I told a emotionally sensitive friend that, no one but your parents have to care about you, no one has the duty to care about anyone but themselves, since every human being lives for themselves’
Then of course the friend got very sad afterwards, and for the rest of the month, become very sensitive about how people around thinks of the friend.(please make a video (if possible) about sugar coating truth people don’t want to know, or explain it in different ways, due to my bitter and straightforward personality, many people around me have been hurt, and there’s always a sense of awareness between me and everyone around me.
(Thank you if you read this, and I’d rather have a helpful video than a trip to New York)
Hey, im really amazed at how well organized your tutorial is and am surprised at how you answer a question that's been on my mind for years. I've been sheltered as a child and as a result developed terrible social skills but I've always tried to improve myself by asking adults and talking to peers. They were helpful in their own ways but just didn't have the answer I was looking for. Overall, this was definitely a good first step, keep up the great work, and I will continue to look into your videos in the future.
Everyone thinks im weird and doesnt let me anywhere near their everyday happenings and will not ever tell me why. I never really speak because of it. Ive been in the behavioral health hospital once for catatonia and a second time for social skills. I feel like id have a chance if everyone just gave me a chance to make mistakes but all i have for that is my godsister. Its gotten to the point where ill try to move out of her way or something and shell yell at me saying im doing it on purpose. I absolutely have no way to begin this videos teachings on her because she has this preconception of me that ill never get it and she is too frustrated to help me. Her friends are starting to not show up to parties because im there. Of witch im always the guy standing alone, trying not to look like im jumping out of my face trying to talk to literally anybody.
RAMIT!!! OK YOU WIN BROTHER!!! LISTEN!!! I AM THE MOST SOCIAL PERSON WITH NO SOCIAL SKILLS THAT YOU WILL EVER MEET!!! I'M DESIGNED SPECIFICALLY FOR PUBLIC/MOTIVATIONAL/INSPIRATIONAL SPEAKING... I MEAN, FOR GOODNESS SAKES, I WAS ACTUALLY THE HOMECOMING KING OF THE UNIVERSITY OF PITTSBURGH!!! I AM ALMOST INSTANTLY POPULAR WHEREVER I GO!!! BUT WHEN IT COMES TO INTIMATE CONVERSATION, EITHER WITH A STRANGER OR EVEN MY OWN FAMILY, I AM AT A LOSS OF WORDS... AND IF IT'S A GROUP SETTING? THE ANXIETY CAN BE UNBEARABLE... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COMFORTABLY BE WITHIN A GROUP... IT LITERALLY DRAINS MY ENERGY, AND LEAVES ME GASPING FOR AIR OR PRAYING FOR AN EXIT. I ENJOY MY NOMADIC LIFESTYLE, BUT I'M ALSO READY TO GROW, AND SEIZE THE TIME I HAVE LEFT TO BE WITH FAMILY, MAKE FRIENDS, AND TO FEEL AT EASE OUT THERE IN THE WORLD. BROTHER HELP!!! I'M REALLY A COOL DUDE!!! AND HERE'S A BONUS... I ALREADY LIVE IN NYC!!!! TALK SOON, AY (THAT'S MY FAUX CANADIAN, LOL)??? THANX!!!
My problem is I am too self-awared. Subconciously, i continuously remind myself about my imperfection. How do i look in the eyes of my listener, if i'm too ugly and offensive if i show my crooked teeth during laughing. So with this preset in mind, i could hardly behave naturally and authentically. I think people around me must think i look so fake. But actually i just wanna to give a good impression on people.
I get shy and my brain goes blank when talking to a stranger who might have an opportunity in their company. I am not sure if you are still running this contest of picking one person and helping them out but i just watched your video and thought I would love to participate.
I’m pretty funny and not usually too awkward when I’m with friends or trying to make a new friend, and I have pretty good social skills in a group setting. My problem is, whenever I get introduced to or introduce myself to girl, I state my name and then just kinda wait and hope the girl is talkative (I suck at conversation starting). If not, I’m completely screwed and I find myself literally just drifting away. The next time I see that person I literally just drift away from them.
This video really teaches me on how to improve my social skill, but the problem is I found it too hard to apply it. I have a problem with organizing my ideas. I do love sharing my thoughts to others, but i don't know how to do it properly and effectively. So when I don't know what to say next, I often left my conversation by not continuing to talk and just leave in a few moment. And I think I always messed things up when I talk to the other people. So I decided not to talk too much when someone tries to have a conversation with me.
Im not that shy, but my problem is I dont know how to carry on a conversation. Like every time someone tells me a story I dont know how to answer back or what I should say. Or maybe when me and someone is having a little chat it always goes awkward. It's really annoying that everyone can just talk and communicate well, and seems like I'm the only one having troubles.
Looks like I got to this site about 4 years too late to get in on that opportunity to get flown to NY. I don't have any problems getting up in front of a crowd and speaking about a topic, especially if I'm teaching them something I know. Likewise, I do fairly well conversing with others in writing back and forth - getting a good interaction going that I find is profitable to the person asking me questions about something I'm totally familiar with. But put me in a group of people where we are supposed to mingle and my first reaction is to head to the ladies room and hide as long as I possibly can. In the group, I'm first of all worried about my appearance. Too often I've found myself taller than many of the men in the group and I don't want to talk to someone who is chest high to me, for obvious reasons.
Then when I get past the "Hi, my name is xyz. I don't believe we've met before. You're ???" "And what brings you here today?" (Too often I'll get a reply like - "a taxi." Right there - I'm ready to dash back to the ladies room again. Hiding out is my main way of coping with large crowd gatherings. )
I've no idea how to engage in small talk. I think mainly because so much of it is drivel and I hate wasting time on unimportant items when there's so much out in the world to learn. How do I get people engaged in thoughtful discussions without boring them or turning them off? I'd love to take the lead in starting discussions that others come over to listen in and eventually join in on. Part of that is my enjoyment of being the center of attention and also when you get a group like that going, if it turns in a directions I'm not comfortable with, I can easily leave and - you guessed - head once again to the ladies room.
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