Nobody should aspire to get as thin as I am. People should aspire to be a healthy weight. But some of my habits, that contribute to my low weight, may be productive in helping other people lose weight (preferably to a healthy weight). Sources to studies regarding fidgeting being a good form of exercise: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/1999/feb/23/healthandwellbeing.health https://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2015/09/23/can-fidgeting-offset-the-ill-effects-of-sitting-new-study-says-so/#5b3921cf2dca
Views: 334 Jaydie
0:25 - Schizoid personality disorder as defined by the DSM (tl;dr: aversion to social bonding) 1:22 - Schizoid people as being sensitive and emotional but uncomfortable expressing that 3:53 - Schizoid people as loners 4:45 - Traits found by a study to be most prevalent in people with schizoid PD (e.g. shyness, social awkwardness, anxiety, etc) 5:47 - Schizoid people are often underweight 6:04 - Schizoidism is associated with creativity & internet usage 6:23 - Schizoid PD according to minddisorders.com 7:38 - Slow speech & lethargy among schizoid individuals 9:04 - Constant rejection during childhood is why I (and many others) developed schizoid PD 9:41 - Schizoid PD and Aspergers are very similar and often overlapping 9:59 - Most similar subreddits to the Schizoid subreddit 10:59 - Many schizoids relieve our loneliness by debating gender issues online 12:06 - Avoidant Personality Disorder compared to Schizoid Personality Disorder 13:30 - Writing: one of the only things I'm very good at 14:14 - If I were male, I'd probably be incel. (I just hope I wouldn't be as extremist and vulgar as the men on the incels subreddit.) 17:15 - How I cured my insomnia 18:12 - Why I waste my time arguing with misogynists on the internet 19:06 - More reading regarding schizoid personality disorder 20:15 - The schizoid attraction to fantasy 21:15 - My interest in music & movies 23:00 - Contributing Maturational Patterns & Characteristics to Schizoid Personality Disorder 24:30 - Many schizoid people do secretly desire social interaction 25:00 - The harmful effects of schizoid personality disorder
Views: 1301 Jaydie
Many people understandably confuse Schizoid PD with schizophrenia, but they're different. In fact, one of the diagnostic criteria for Schizoid PD is that it "does not occur exclusively during the course of Schizophrenia, a Mood Disorder With Psychotic Features, [or] another Psychotic Disorder". https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/symptoms-of-schizoid-personality-disorder/ Schizophrenia has both positive symptoms (which are symptoms that schizophrenic people have, but healthy people lack, such as delusions and hallucinations) and negative symptoms (which are traits that healthy people have, but schizophrenic people lack, such as energy and motivation and sociability). https://www.livingwithschizophreniauk.org/advice-sheets/negative-symptoms-understanding/ Schizoid PD is called such because it can resemble schizophrenia (-oid means "resembles", similar to how humanoids resemble humans) in its negative symptoms. http://www.humanologyproject.org/personality/schizotypal-and-schizoid-personality-disorders-an-overview "Schizoid personality disorder linked to unbearable and inescapable loneliness... SPD overlaps with the negative symptoms of schizophrenia: flat affect, lack of motivation, and social withdrawal." http://scielo.isciii.es/pdf/ejpen/v24n1/original4.pdf "Schizoid PD is characterized more by extreme social isolation caused from a lack of desire for interpersonal relationships in the absence of positive-like symptoms [hallucinations, delusions, etc]. Schizoid PD can be characterized by negative-like symptoms and interpersonal deficits." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2992453/ Symptoms of Schizoid Personality Disorder are 4 or more of the following: "1) Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family 2) Almost always chooses solitary activities 3) Has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person 4) Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities 5) Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives 6) Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others 7) Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affect (emotion)"
Views: 585 Jaydie
Longer video on SPD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gsJLQmklDE SOURCES Schizoid PD has been "found by Ulrich and colleagues (2007) to have the lowest functioning among the PDs...and has been associated with considerable reduction in quality of life." https://www.researchgate.net/publication/291319820_Prevalence_sociodemographics_and_functional_impairment Social isolation leads to decreased lifespan: http://www.nature.com/news/social-isolation-shortens-lifespan-1.12673 Most homeless people have schizoid PD, and schizoid PD makes it harder to escape homelessness: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2992453/ http://www.ncsinc.org/images/pdfs/JPD_article_winter_2008.pdf https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1009470318513 This is precisely the reason humans evolved to seek and maintain social bonds: humans depend on one another to survive. Having absolutely zero desire or comfort with social bonds isn't normal or even natural. Schizoid PD also makes it very painful and uncomfortable to express emotions and show vulnerability, which can make it difficult to get treatment for psychological problems, which can cause you to spiral into a mental breakdown or even kill yourself.
Views: 983 Jaydie
NOTE: this is NOT medical advice. I am not a doctor. I just wanted to share my own personal experience to make you aware of this possibility, that you can bring up with your doctor to see if medications may be right and safe for you, if no non-medicinal solutions are effective. Remember that if you misuse medications, you'll end up with FAR more problems than just insomnia. --- Insomnia was probably my only psychological problem for which no non-medicinal solution helped me at all. In this video I discuss my successful experience with a medication I was prescribed for my bipolar disorder and depression, but which had the positive side effect of permanently curing my insomnia even after I got off. I'm not naming the medicine because it's a medicine for psychiatric disorders which isn't to be taken lightly. It's also VERY expensive compared to alternatives that are just for insomnia. If you also have psychiatric disorders and are curious about the name of the medication, to ask your doctor about, email me at [email protected] --- Donations, via Amazon giftcards, to help improve my channel would be appreciated: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1ZQ9MAHG24V2J & If you donate, please give a suggestion for a video topic for me to dedicate a video to you!
Views: 875 Jaydie
Song: Hermit the Frog by Marina and the Diamonds Movie: Carrie (2013) TW: Blood, violence, and gore. "I was finding it hard to breathe and hard to fight the feeling, When my heart just burst like a glass balloon. I let it fly too high and it shattered too soon. I was the wrong damn girl in the wrong damn room; I broke my glass balloon. I let go of my glass balloon... You're abominable socially, you're just a little too much like me... I put on the crown of clowns, and melt slowly to the ground... I feel it coming on, when I've been static for too long. An explosion comes in time, before I go and cross the line. I broke my glass balloon, I let go of my glass balloon."
Views: 122 Jaydie
"My heart is nuclear, love is all that I fear. Ready to be let down. Now I’m heading for a meltdown." Relatable music (Radioactive by Marina and the Diamonds) over a relatable movie (Carrie 2013). And for the last time, for those people who are on my page just looking for something to make me look bad, stop taking Carrie's massacre so literally. As Julianne Moore (actress in Carrie) said in an interview, "telekinesis is just a metaphor for very strong emotion." Anyway, if you can also relate to this song (I'm sorry) then please look into "fearful-avoidant attachment style"; you probably have that (like I do).
Views: 111 Jaydie
I have a note relevant to the lyrics. 2:27 "Are you killing for yourself or killing for your savior?" I haven't discussed this much, but the book actually heavily implies that Carrie is a divine angel sent from God to destroy evil via a Day of Judgment. First off, the Bible says: "The Son of Man will send out His angels, and they will weed out of His kingdom every cause of sin and all who practice lawlessness. And they will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." (Matt 13:41-42) A few examples, out of many, from the book which imply that Carrie is one of these avenging angels: 1) A survivor at the prom said that just before the destruction happened, “I felt like I was frozen in ice. My God, was all I could think. My God, my God, my God. I was thinking about Carrie. And about God. It was all twisted up together, and it was awful.” 2) Carrie “was filled with the huge knowledge of POWERS, and of an ABYSS” (emphasis Stephen King’s). In the Bible, “the Abyss” is the bottomless pit wherein the Devil is trapped by Jesus's angels following the apocalypse, thereby defeating evil once and for all. 3) When Carrie returns home following the massacre, “she hears the plaster plaques in the living room (CHRIST, THE UNSEEN GUEST, WHAT WOULD JESUS DO, THE HOUR DRAWETH NIGH; IF TONIGHT BECAME JUDGMENT, WOULD YOU BE READY) explode one after the other, like plaster birds in a shooting gallery.” 4) The book speaks as though Carrie is fulfilling some sort of divine mission: “There was something she was supposed to do. Something about – roadhouses, parking lots, and the Angel with the Sword. The Fiery Sword. [She had] to destroy the roadhouse where the doom of her creation had begun.” A preacher's dialogue from the original script of Carrie 2013: “It was Biblical, what happened to our town. It was the Lord’s Angel of Vengeance, delivering retribution: The sins of the people visited upon the place that made them.” Movie: Carrie (2013) directed by Kimberly Peirce Song: Fanmade mashup of Savages by Marina and the Diamonds & Gasoline by Halsey https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asf8HC7yeos
Views: 145 Jaydie
Does hell exist? If so, are gay and bisexual people going there? The concepts of "a loving God" and "God sends people to hell for not following the one right religion out of thousands of religions and/or falling in love with someone of the same gender" don't jibe.
Views: 224 Jaydie
Someone on my other video ("why i love carrie so much: finding power in abnormality"), in which I discussed my admiration for this story's empowering message, said that I should "stop listening to feminism". So I decided to overlay the movie with a song including Eminem. This is just one Eminem song of many (Legacy, Guts Over Fear, Beautiful, Beautiful Pain, etc) that includes this same theme as is illustrated in Carrie. Is Eminem a feminist? Far from it. In fact, his lyrics are often so misogynistic that I sometimes feel bad for enjoying some of his music. But I love the following lyrics from this song: From Bebe Rexha's version: "In a world so black and white, I'm blazing out my mind... In the darkest of my nights, a little spark begun to shine. Woke up and I realized: imperfection is divine." From Eminem's version: "You think I'm crazy? Well that's nothing!... I'm actually weirder than you think... I need an interventionist to intervene between me and this monster And save me from myself, and all this conflict... My OCD's conking me in the head... Seize the moment and don't squander it, Because you never know when it could all be over tomorrow. So I keep conjuring... Give every kid who got played that pumped up feeling and shit to say back to the kids who played 'em... If one kid...who's going through a struggle relates, that's great. It's payback...turn nothing into something... Still can make that straw into gold."
Views: 152 Jaydie
More relatable Marina and the Diamonds music (specifically Living Dead) overlayed over a relatable movie. I think Living Dead adequately describes what it's like to have Schizoid Personality Disorder. "Every day I feel the same, stuck and I can never change... I'm living dead. Haven't lived life, haven't lived love... Got bubble wrap around my heart...permanently at square one... I'm so dissatisfied, the weight of an empty life... I haven't lived my life, I haven't lived love... I'm living dead. Dead, dead, dead. Dead."
Views: 183 Jaydie
Previously unuploaded footage from the first day I was taking the personality test. Read more here: https://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality "Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people... INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkward and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good." http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html
Views: 368 Jaydie
Birthday donations to help improve my channel would be appreciated: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1ZQ9MAHG24V2J If you donate, please email me at [email protected] with a request for me to dedicate a video to you, because you deserve it, and suggest a possible topic :D Or you can make a request for something on my new Twitch (e.g. that I make a Sim for you, or something). https://twitch.tv/xjmichelle
Views: 1471 Jaydie
"There's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark... the light that shines within." ♥ "The things that seem like weird things that make you strange...are your greatest strengths." Anyway, I've gotten questions about why I haven't uploaded in so long. It's because I'm SO busy right now with work and school. Since my channel got demonetized due to not meeting the new requirement for 4,000 viewing hours, I need to put those other things first, for now. So I won't be able to regularly make videos for a while; maybe I could do something to keep in touch with you folks. I don't know. Provide your ideas in the comment section. But for now, I decided to leave it on this positive note with an empowering/motivational song/video. :) Song: Scars to Your Beautiful by Alessia Cara Clip at the beginning: Music video for aforementioned song Movie clips: Carrie 2013 directed by Kimberly Peirce and starring Chloe Moretz Trigger warning: Depiction of self-harm at 0:44 Gore beginning at 3:22 (hopefully my viewers can understand, from the introductory clip at the beginning & context of the song, that I embrace this in a symbolic way of having the power to overcome one's obstacles)
Views: 246 Jaydie
I was going to make one of these anyway, but when I got accused of obsessing over the story because I wanted psychic powers to kill people, I decided to hasten it up. More quotes regarding motivational symbolism. From Stephen King's Danse Macabre: "Because of her shy mannerisms, Carrie is every class joke & the social outsider in every situation. She has a mild telekinetic ability which intensifies after her first menstrual period, and she finally uses this power to 'bring down the house' following a terrible social disaster at her high school prom... Carrie is largely about how women find their own channels of power... Carrie White is a sadly misused teenager, an example of the sort of person whose spirit becomes broken... But she is also Woman, feeling her powers for the first time, and like Samson, pulling the temple down on everyone in sight... Carrie uses her 'Wild Talent' to pull down the whole rotten society...a dream revolution of the socially downtrodden." From 2013 director Kimberly Peirce: "Superpowers...were part of her survival. So if you’re a misfit and you can’t fit into the social spectrum, and you’re lonely and you can’t get love and support...and you find out that you have a talent... If you can write, photograph... Whatever your talent is, that’s your mode of survival." https://io9.gizmodo.com/the-freakiest-thing-julianne-moore-does-in-the-carrie-r-1446495151 The song is Monster Under My Bed by Bebe Rexha, specifically the following relevant lyrics: "In the darkest of my nights, a little spark begun to shine I woke up and I realized imperfection is divine So this creepy heart of mine That's tiptoed on the line I know we will be just fine And I know why." I might eventually do a longer version with additional relevant motivational songs (namely Guts Over Fear and Monster by Eminem).
Views: 147 Jaydie
"There's always someone wanting to pull you down, and tell you ‘no, you are never going to succeed, you are never gonna be what you want to be in life’, and Carrie overcomes all those obstacles, despite having lived such a reclusive life…being brought down by everything." - Chloe Moretz https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LVaO3wlN Anyone who hasn't figured out yet that my love for Carrie is based upon the symbolism of destroying one's obstacles, & the killings are a very moving piece of FICTIONAL/metaphorical imagery (similar to the imagery depicted in the song), is beyond help at this point. Song: Beautiful Pain by Eminem and Sia "It’s a beautiful kind of pain, setting fire to yesterday Find the light, find the light, find the light... This feeling of resilience is building... Rising, a phoenix from the flames... I have learned from fighting...not with fists, but with wings that I will fly."
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Transcript because I know it's hard to understand me at times: "Hey everybody so I was reading a Tumblr blog basically posting Google searches of people with Avoidant Personality Disorder, so there were a lot that were very relatable to me, for example “how to stop being so oversensitive” and “how to stop exaggerating potential problems.” There was also one “how to make phone calls without dying,” which really reminds me of an issue I still kinda struggle with but used to struggle with a lot: making phone calls. But I have figured out how to “make phone calls without dying” and I’ll explain how: immersion therapy. I used to avoid making phone calls, and when I couldn’t, I’d be basically shaking. But I found out 2 years ago that there was a petition to get a director’s cut with 40 minutes of deleted scene restored to the 2013 movie Carrie, so I basically started forcing myself to make monthly phone calls to MGM to express my interest because I really did want it really bad, and I still kinda do. So doing that really helped me overcome my fear. It was basically immersion therapy. So now I can make phone calls without worrying so much when I need to. Although I’m still really nervous in certain cases. For example, a few months ago I called my ex-therapist because I was going through a rough time, and I was very anxious about that. I was basically shaking. So I’m still not perfect, but I’m a lot better than I was before... I hope this was helpful for anyone who has trouble making phone calls and whatnot. Perhaps you could also get over your fears of phone calls by calling to express your interest in an extended cut of the 2013 Carrie movie!…Honestly, it doesn’t have to be about that. If you don’t care, whatever. Just get practice somehow. If you have friends, which I don’t have, maybe that would be an even more comfortable way of immersion therapy. So yeah I hope this video was helpful, see ya next time." Link to petition for an extended cut of Carrie 2013 with 40+ minutes of deleted scenes: http://www.getpetition.com/petitions/carriepetition
Views: 240 Jaydie
Found my high school IEP & figured I'd share it in case anybody is curious. In this video I review the results from the cognitive tests (IQ, writing, etc). I'll make other videos regarding the information about my life history, and also what my teachers thought about me, at another time. Did I achieve my postsecondary goals?: 1:17 Psychiatric diagnoses as of June 2013 (aka the reason for my IEP to begin with): 3:09 IQ: 3:20 Verbal Reasoning Abilities: 3:25 Nonverbal Reasoning Abilities: 3:38 Working Memory Index: 3:46 Processing Speed Index & My Physical Ineptitude: 3:55 Total Achievement: 5:50 Reading & Decoding Skills: 5:56 Broad Math Achievement & Computational Skills: 6:20 Applied Problem Solving Abilities: 6:30 Math skills: 6:40 Writing & spelling skills: 7:00 (Yay, I'm good at something!) Oral language abilities: 7:40 Story recall: 7:45
Views: 1571 Jaydie
I heard this song, really liked the beat, & found it very relevant to Stephen King's quote in his book Danse Macabre regarding the symbolic meaning of Carrie: "Carrie is about how women find their own channels of power, and what men fear about women and women's sexuality... Carrie is Woman, feeling her power for the first time and...using her "Wild Talent" to destroy the whole rotten society." - Stephen King So I figured that since I was on a roll with Carrie videos, I'd do one to this song. Carrie is METAL! Literally, though. Blood has a lot of iron, and iron is classified as a metal on the periodic table of elements. Before I get a bunch of triggered comments from members of the manosphere: This is a playful fanvideo done in jest. Don't get worked up over it. It's not that serious. Movie: Carrie 2013 Song: Pssy Kills by Rocky Rivera https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_wtTAPGrcg
Views: 131 Jaydie
I describe my experience with impulsive fits of rage that I experienced for most of my life, and at 6:53, begin to describe the mechanisms I learned to cope with my rage, which have brought me to the point that I don't have to cope with the rage anymore because I no longer experience it (going on 5 years now, and it's an awesomely freeing feeling). Of course, one of the biggest factors that eliminated my rage was getting mental health treatment & learning to deal with my pain and intense erratic emotions in general, so if you experience this issue, I recommend you do the same. CBT and DBT in particular might be especially effective. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023%2FA%3A1018763902991?LI=true They're even effective for violent criminals, which should say something about how effective it must be for the general population: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cbm.686/full http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cbm.542/full Source for my claim at 3:00 that self-harming behaviors during temper tantrums is almost always associated with a psychiatric diagnosis of depression. So if you know any children who do this, please get them help immediately: https://source.wustl.edu/2007/12/excessive-tantrums-in-preschoolers-may-indicate-serious-mental-health-problems/ Unfortunately my channel is going to be demonetized next month for not having the necessary 4,000 viewing hours. So if you appeciate my content & want to support it, you can donate here (it doesn't have to be $50, that's just the default): http://a.co/i6dMkkS
Views: 268 Jaydie
Overlaying a relatable movie (Carrie 2013) with another relatable song (Satisfied by Marina and the Diamonds, who also makes tons of other awesome relatable songs): "It's my problem that I never am happy, It's my problem on how fast I will succeed... It's my problem if I want to pack up and run away and hide, It's my problem if I have no friends... Sad inside, unsatisfied."
Views: 134 Jaydie
Remade it with scenes from all 4 Carrie movies, focusing more on the water-based scenes. Obligatory 40 second intro because too many of my viewers don't understand that my embrace of this story is symbolic rather than an embrace of literal murder: "The supernatural and telekinesis are metaphors to manifest feeling... [Carrie's] just beginning to discover who she is, and in the process, discovers she has this power that is linked to her feelings." - Julianne Moore "Carrie's emotions are so powerful that they affect the world. And as she says to her mother, 'there are other people out there like me who can do what I can do'... Telekinesis is the ability to do things with your mind and your emotion. There is power to our emotions and power to our thoughts. I hope that our audience falls in love with the moment Carrie discovers her power, and that they think, 'that could be me'." - Director Kimberly Peirce Regarding the design of blood on Carrie's face in the prom scene: "The left side was a little more sympathetic, and the blood drops are almost like tears around her eyes, it’s her softer side. The right side was a lot more monstrous...almost like a skeletal design the way it splattered across the top of her face." http://www.mpa-canada.org/a-bloody-good-job-carries-makeup-maestro-jordan-samuel/ Quote from the author of the song: “I was made fun of a lot when I was younger for being overly sensitive and emotional… A lot of people are taught that being emotional is a weakness, and I really wanted to overcome my insecurities with feeling out of control with my emotions… I just wanted to turn the word [crybaby] into a compliment, not an insult, and really show that even if you’re emotional you can still be strong. I wanted to get over that stigma.” Song lyrics: "You seem to replace your brain with your heart; You take things so hard and then you fall apart... Those cry baby tears come out of the dark. Someone's turning the handle to that faucet in your eyes They're pouring out where everyone can see. Your heart's too big for your body... You're all on your own and you've lost all your friends... It's not you, it's them; you're one of a kind, and no one understands... They call you crybaby, crybaby but you don't fucking care. Crybaby, crybaby, so you laugh through your tears... Tears fall to the ground, we'll just let them drown." Movie scenes: Carrie (2013, 2002, and 1976), Carrie 2: The Rage Song: Crybaby (Cover by American Avenue ft. Kalie Wolfe of RIVALS) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOkQJlXDXTA
Views: 172 Jaydie
2013 Carrie White fanvideo to a much more upbeat but much less relatable song (for me) than the other ones (Numb, Living Dead, Sorry). Maybe this song is more relatable for some of you, and if that's the case for you, I envy you; I wish I could enjoy stuff like this. Song is American Boy by Estelle and Kanye West.
Views: 67 Jaydie
Enjoy watching me utterly fail at putting on a Halloween costume. I was never good with my hands, I've never worn a wig before, and this was my first Halloween costume in 9 years. Of course I'm being Carrie! Novel scenes mentioned in this video: 1:04-1:20: "In the book it describes Carrie's dress as becoming pretty tattered" "The plaster plaques in the living room (CHRIST, THE UNSEEN GUEST, WHAT WOULD JESUS DO, THE HOUR DRAWETH NIGH; IF TONIGHT BECAME JUDGMENT, WOULD YOU BE READY) exploded one after the other... The kitchen door slammed and Carrie walked in... The prom dress was in tatters and flaps, and the pig blood had began to clot and streak." 4:08 "I'm not too worried about sitting on the ground because in the book...by the end of the night, her dress had grass and stuff on it." "Carrie was standing in front of them... Her gown was covered with dirt and grass stain. She had crawled much of the distance from Carlin Street...to destroy this roadhouse - perhaps the very one where the doom of her creation had begun." 14:30 Rubbing blood on her dress is what Carrie does in the book: "She was unaware that she was scrubbing her bloodied hands against her dress like Lady Macbeth, or that she was weeping even as she laughed, or that one hidden part of her mind was keening over her final and utter ruin. But she was going to take them with her."
Views: 589 Jaydie
29.4% of lesbians have experienced intimate partner violence (IPV) compared to 24.3% of straight women, but 1/3 of Ls' intimate abusers are men. 1/3 of 29.4% is 9.8%, which means that 19.6% of lesbians are abused by female partners - i.e. lower than the intimate partner violence experienced by straight women. Also 89.5% of bi women have only experienced domestic violence by men. http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Intimate-Partner-Violence-and-Sexual-Abuse-among-LGBT-People.pdf
Views: 352 Jaydie
All of my Carrie videos (Numb, Living Dead, Sorry) have been depressing as hell, so I figured I'd do a lighter-hearted one that is still relevant to the story. The song is Happy by Marina and the Diamonds: "Couldn't relax, couldn't sit back and let the sunlight fall in my lap...I sang a hymn to bring me peace, and then it came: a melody...It made me feel like I belonged...and all the sadness inside me melted away like I was free... I found what I've been looking for in myself, found a life worth living for someone else. Never thought that I could be happy... I don't go out much at all; I've never been the type to call. I realized to be happy, maybe I need a little company... I've been desperately alone...But I believe in divinity... I believe in possibility, I believe there's someone watching over me... I was looking for a Holy Ghost...but happiness, it followed me... Finally I've found a way to be happy." i.e. Life Goals! The voice at 0:46 is Carrie 2013 director Kim Peirce's commentary regarding the scene.
Views: 194 Jaydie
I apologize for the noise in the background; my cat is overly hyper. Please subscribe if you liked the video :)
Views: 224 Jaydie
I think this video (putting Carrie 2013 clips to Papercut by Linkin Park) accurately depicts what it's like to have an anxiety disorder. The singer of the song, Chester Bennington, and the girl upon whom the novel Carrie was based, both committed suicide. So this is pretty serious stuff. Relevant elements from the movie: Being caged in the prison of your mind Pushing everyone away "I know this scares you; it scares me too... But I want to be normal. I have to try and be a whole person before it's too late." "He'll hurt you... He'll take you out in his car into the wilderness where it's cold, and the roadhouses are, and the whiskey..." "Why would he want to go with me? They're just going to trick me again." "They're all going to laugh at you!" "Stop it, I'm nervous enough..." Song lyrics: "Why does it feel like night today? Something in the air's not right today Why am I so uptight today? Paranoia's all I got left... I have a voice in the back of my head Like a face that I hold inside...that laughs every time I fall... Points out all my mistakes to me... It watches everything, so I know that when it's time to sink or swim that the face inside is here in me right underneath my skin I'm paranoid, looking over my back It's like a whirlwind inside of my head It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin."
Views: 219 Jaydie
I'm a weirdo who goes to bed at 7pm on her 21st birthday, of course without having a drink. Thumbnail is from the cover art of Pity Party by Melanie Martinez. (Though it's artistically inaccurate for my situation because I didn't have any pretty decorations to mope under.)
Views: 314 Jaydie
SEE TRANSCRIPT BELOW. DISCLAIMER: I'm NOT saying that women should be guaranteed sole custody in all cases. It should be examined case-by-case. It's true that a single dad is more likely to abuse a child than a single mom, as I'll prove below, but the reverse is true in some instances. Moreover, MOST single fathers AND single mothers are good people who would never abuse their children, & unlike MGTOW, I realize that a majority doesn't deserve to be blamed for the actions of a minority of people. Transcript: "In the manosphere, it's a common idea that a single mother is more likely to abuse her child than a single father. I actually have proof of the opposite, straight from someone who was trying to make the claim... https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/cm2015.pdf Abusers of children are (in order of percentage) - Biological Mother Alone (26.7%) - Biological Mother & Father Together (22.3%) - Biological Father Alone (14.7%) It's true that a higher percentage is of mothers, but using this to prove that a single mom is more likely to abuse a child than a single dad, goes by the same logic as a "SJW" who was saying that because most American rapists are white men, that means white men are more likely to rape than men of color... But in reality...most people in the US who rape are white, because most people in the US are white. Rape rates, however, may be equal between races. I'm sure all of you understand that logic. The same applies here. The reason more single moms commit child abuse is that most single parent households are moms. Since 24% of single parent households are headed by men, the percentage of child abuse (by single parents) committed by men, if they occurred at equal rates, would be 24%... Let's do some math... Child abuse perpetrated solely by the mother is 26.7%, solely by the father is 14.7%. So let's see how they stack up: 26.7+14.7=41.4% of child abuse is committed solely by one parent. 14.7 of 41.4 is 35.5%. So...a much greater % than would be the case if they were equally as likely to abuse their kids as single mothers. This indicates that a single father is more likely to abuse his child than a single mother. This disputes claims from the manosphere that a single mother is more likely to abuse a child than a single father... Let me establish something: these are a minority. Most mothers OR fathers don't abuse their children. Most fathers, like most mothers, are wonderful people who keep their family going. But there is a minority of people who do bad things. And the truth is that the majority of that minority, which is really small, is men... That's reflected in child abuse, which is disproportionately high among men. That reflects the fact that most murders in general are committed by men. Some people argue that women commit less murder because they're less able to, because they're weaker. By that reasoning, women would be more likely to kill other women than to kill men, because women are about the same strength compared to men. But that's the opposite of the case. Of the 10% of murders that are committed by women, women are 4.5x as likely to kill men than to kill other women. And that's not a surprise. The argument was bogus anyway. Most murders don't require physical strength. Most murders are committed with guns or poison, or something like that. You don't need strength to do that. A weak woman could pull a trigger, but they're much less likely to, because they're much less likely to want to. The reason I'm making this video is to debunk the common idea misogynists use that because more women abuse children - they won't take into account the proportions, & that it's simply because more women than men have custody over their children in general & are thus more able to kill their children - they'll say "this is proof that if women were stronger, they'd be much more murderous than men." Well, I disproved that. So a lot of the manosphere get off to the idea that women are much more evil than men. My argument isn't that men are more evil than women, it's that there are more evil men than evil women. It's a completely different argument. They use a minority to unrighteously demonize an entire gender. I'm acknowledging that it's a very very very slim minority of people who abuse or kill or whatever, and of those, most are men. As a similar example, most geniuses are men. Unlike the manosphere, I don't give all men credit for the accomplishments of a minority of men. The same is the case here. All men don't get blamed for the actions of a few. It just seems that more men do more abnormal things, whether good or bad. Misogynists need to stop falsely generalizing acting like all men do good and all women do bad."  http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/07/02/the-rise-of-single-fathers/  https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/htus8008.pdf
Views: 376 Jaydie
Recently, I received a diagnosis that explained a LOT of things, including my obsession with Carrie (which my psychiatrist doesn’t even know about). Carrie is just one of MANY topics I’ve become hopelessly obsessed with, but it’s the most noticeable one to the people who follow me, so I decided to focus on it in this video. “People with Asperger’s syndrome have normal to above-average intelligence but typically have...clumsy movements...difficulties with social interactions and often have pervasive, absorbing interests in special topics.“ https://www.medicinenet.com/asperger_syndrome/article.htm I start talking about 'special interests' at 2:50. Here's more info on special interests: http://autism.wikia.com/wiki/Special_Interests This aspie has been obsessed with Dr. Who for 35 years, making my 5-year obsession with Carrie seem like nothing! http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2007/10/dreaded-special-interest.html ~~~Email me at [email protected] for my alternate channel on which I’ll be posting more frequently. Include your YT username so I can discern whether or not you’re a troll.~~~
Views: 233 Jaydie
I begin describing my experiences with OCD at 3:01, and my experiences with religious OCD specifically at 4:34. As for the people who made the website exhibited in this video: these people get an award for most creative form of ableism I've come across in a while. I shouldn't be surprised though; worldwide & historically, mental illness hasn't been shown much sympathy. Sources regarding mental illness being derived from the brain, contrary to what these religious people are spewing: http://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/481793 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12143401 https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/brain-imaging-identifies-different-types-of-depression/ https://www.livescience.com/53243-brain-circuit-linked-to-depression-found.html https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/07/170719084710.htm Source regarding mentally ill people having much shorter lifespans than normal people: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/about/directors/thomas-insel/blog/2011/no-health-without-mental-health.shtml
Views: 197 Jaydie
Relatable music: Numb by Marina and the Diamonds "Forego family, forego friends... I can't open up and cry, because I've been silent all my life... Stuck inside my petri dish, I can't breathe and I can't smile... I get dark...I need a friend, but I can't yell. The lower I get, the higher I'll climb." Movie: Carrie 2013 Intro by director Kimberly Peirce: "The way I devised the powers is that they’re always for emotional reasons… This is a Carrie whose emotions are so strong and so powerful that they affect the outside world… And as she says to her mother... "There are other people out there like me who can do what I can do"... Telekinesis represents the ability to do things with your mind, and your emotion… There is power to our emotions and our thoughts…and the thoughts and emotions we put out into the world do have an effect on other human beings, and on history… I hope that our audience fall in love with the moment she discovers her powers, and that they think “that could be me”."
Views: 146 Jaydie
Summary of my Easter. I apologize about my voice being a bit hard to understand at times, I was trying not to talk too loud because my mom is asleep. I promise I'm usually a lot better at this game (Cubefield). I just sucked cause I was nervous to play it publicly.
Views: 182 Jaydie
Obligatory 40 second intro because too many of my viewers don't understand that my embrace of this story is symbolic rather than an embrace of literal murder: "The supernatural and telekinesis are metaphors, a way to manifest feeling... [Carrie is] just beginning to discover who she is, and in the process, discovers she has this power that is linked to her feeling." - Julianne Moore "Carrie's emotions are so powerful that they affect the world. And as she says to her mother, 'there are other people out there like me who can do what I can do'... Telekinesis is the ability to do things with your mind and your emotion. There is power to our emotions and power to our thoughts. I hope that our audience falls in love with the moment Carrie discovers her power, and that they think, 'that could be me'." - Director Kimberly Peirce Regarding the design of blood on Carrie's face in the prom scene: "The left side was a little more sympathetic, and the blood drops are almost like tears around her eyes, it’s her softer side. The right side was a lot more monstrous...almost like a skeletal design the way it splattered across the top of her face." http://www.mpa-canada.org/a-bloody-good-job-carries-makeup-maestro-jordan-samuel/ Quote from the author of the song: “I was made fun of a lot when I was younger for being overly sensitive and emotional… A lot of people are taught that being emotional is a weakness, and I really wanted to overcome my insecurities with feeling out of control with my emotions… I just wanted to turn the word [crybaby] into a compliment, not an insult, and really show that even if you’re emotional you can still be strong. I wanted to get over that stigma.” Song lyrics: "You seem to replace your brain with your heart; You take things so hard and then you fall apart... Those cry baby tears come out of the dark. Someone's turning the handle to that faucet in your eyes They're pouring out where everyone can see. Your heart's too big for your body... You're all on your own and you've lost all your friends... It's not you, it's them; you're one of a kind, and no one understands... They call you crybaby, crybaby but you don't fucking care. Crybaby, crybaby, so you laugh through your tears... Tears fall to the ground, we'll just let them drown." Movie: Carrie (2013) Song: Crybaby (Cover by American Avenue ft. Kalie Wolfe of RIVALS) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOkQJlXDXTA
Views: 184 Jaydie
I debunk some homophobic arguments that are made, based on misconstructions/misinterpretations of the Bible, by Christian extremists. Points covered in the video. 1) Regarding Romans 1 - “Trading natural for unnatural relations” probably refers to anal sex, among both heterosexual and gay couples. (Studies show that anal sex isn’t even very common among gay couples.) - Even if it is a sign of being a reprobate, so are envy, greed, hatred, and disobedience to parents, i.e. sins that basically everyone has committed. But not everyone is a reprobate; neither is everyone who engages in anal sex. - By definition, reprobates must have already rejected God & begun worshiping images of birds and animals and reptiles. Most gay people have never done this; therefore, they cannot be reprobates. - Reprobates are “full of murder”, which most gay people have never committed; thus, they cannot be reprobates. - Aside from anal sex (which is also condemned in heterosexual relationships), the Bible says nothing about 2 men or 2 women loving one another, or even engaging in other forms of physical intimacy. 2) The City of Sodom - People who lived in Sodom were true reprobates. Unlike the vast majority of gay people, they murdered, tortured, raped people, and (as stated in Ezekiel) didn't help the poor and needy. - They “went after strange flesh” - this is probably referring to how they tried to rape angels. 3) Regarding the actions of gay people - Gay people are not that much more promiscuous than straight people. - Even if gay men did have much more casual sex, it's simply due to greater opportunity. If not prevented by women's selectivity, straight men would do the same thing. Studies show that when asked by a random stranger for sex, most men say yes. Lack of opportunity is the only reason straight men are not as promiscuous as gay men. - If gay relationships are more violent, it’s due to internalized homophobia because of our homophobic society. Gay people are no more sinners than anybody else, and should be treated with the same love and respect with which we are to treat anybody else.  https://www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-alvear/why-do-gay-men-have-so-li_b_7795648.html  https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2010/oct/19/gay-men-promiscuous-myth  https://interpersona.psychopen.eu/article/view/121/html Please subscribe if you liked the video, & share the video with anyone who tries to use the Bible to demonize gay people. :)
Views: 221 Jaydie
This is a segment of a longer video regarding schizoid personality disorder, which is characterized by a chronic aversion to social bonding: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gsJLQmklDE 0:47 - video games (pls donate somehow so that i can play games on twitch. though i don't even know how to set up donations so help would be appreciated, thanks!) 1:38 - music. 2:32 - literature and movies. some songs that accurately illustrate schizoid pd include 'the outsider' and 'living dead' by marina and the diamonds, & 'boulevard of broken dreams' by green day. thumbnail combines the sims 2 logo with the cover art for a sims 2 adaptation of Stephen King's Carrie. http://modthesims.info/t/517752
Views: 144 Jaydie
I recently discovered you can livestream playing games on YT (not just Twitch), so I figured I'd give it a shot at an hour where there probably won't be many people online. I'm just trying out livestreaming for the first time to get used to it. Be patient with me! Haha. Please let me know whether the sound is OK. I'll be relatively quiet in this one because my family is sleeping. If I spontaneously disappear, that's because my mom woke up and wants her laptop.
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This is my second livestream, so be patient with me. On Sims 3, I'll be making Carrie White, Sue Snell, Tommy Ross, and Sue and Tommy's daughter. I hope to make Carrie, Sue, and Tommy into a relationship together if I can figure out how to do it, since the book said that Tommy was in love with both Carrie and Sue, and Sue was okay with that (she even found it cute).
Views: 124 Jaydie